


Connected

by caedi



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Communication, M/M, Reconciliation, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:36:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caedi/pseuds/caedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After "The Break Up" Kurt starts looking forward to being connected. He still wants to be friends with Blaine but it's clear now they were never meant to be. Your soulmate is never someone you already know. Apparently that isn't always true, though, and what do you do when your soulmate turns out to be someone who has already broken your heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a soulmate fic that takes place after “The Break Up” with spoilers specifically for “I Do” in this part. As with any post break up fic, there will be a lot of angst and communication before we reach the happy ending.
> 
> I haven't written anything for a long _long_ time, but am eager to start again and improve my writing. In this fic I'm combining two of my favourite soulmates tropes: the name of your soulmate appearing somewhere on your body, and a psychic link between soulmates.

> It is not recommended to enter a relationship before your connection. When considering committing to a non-traditional relationship remember the following points:
> 
> (a) Your soulmate is never someone you already know.

> 
> At the time of this publication, there are 6,973,738,433 people living on Earth. Your connection will be with the one person who is perfect for you, but it is extremely likely they will live very far away, in a different city or even country. There are very few recorded instances of soulmates living in the same area.
> 
> (b) Relationships with someone other than your soulmate will only ever be temporary

> 
> Social media sites such as http://www.connect.com and http://www.facebook.com mean that finding your soulmate is a certainty. Historically, it was extremely difficult for soulmates to find each other. There are documents indicating that some would spend their life traveling the world searching for their other half and never find them. In the modern era we are lucky to have multiple tools at our disposal to ensure we spend our life with our soulmate. Statistics show that non-traditional relationships have a less than 5% success rate after one or both of the participants become connected, and over 80% of non-traditional marriages end in divorce.
> 
> _An Introductory Guide to Connections_ , Christian Publishing Ohio, 2011 (McKinley High School Syllabus) 


  
-

The airplane is completely packed on the earliest Valentine’s Day flight from New York to Columbus, the seats are small and cramped and the low murmur of constant chatter fills the enclosed space. The fluorescent lighting highlights the tacky blue patterned fabric that covers the seats, and Kurt opens the window shade to let some natural light in and stop his eyes from aching. The stranger he and Rachel are sharing their row with opens his eyes to glare at him, but Kurt ignores him. They’ll be landing soon anyway. He’s doing him a favour by waking him up. 

Valentine’s Day is one of the busiest days for air travel, but NYADA’s heavy schedule means he and Rachel didn’t have much of a choice. From his corner of the plane Kurt can see the variety of people travelling; connected adults, one wrist bare, are checking the time on their phone, anxious to be home for the holiday. There are a few newly connected teens, practically bouncing in their seat in anticipation, travelling to meet their soulmates for the first time on the most romantic day of the year. There are even a few connected couples travelling together, their cuffs brushing together as they hold hands. It feels as if he and Rachel are the only people on the plane still wearing two cuffs. Kurt picks at his right one, keeping his elbows close to his body so he doesn’t bump against Rachel. He’s wearing his favourite pair, a soft worn leather that goes with everything and has a small clock face on the left cuff.

Touching such an intimate part of your body in public is considered obscene, but Kurt can’t seem to stop himself. The pressure of leather against his skin doesn’t feel like enough and he squeezes his fingers underneath his right cuff to press against the place where someday the name of his soulmate may appear. 

Rachel is gaping openly at the man across the aisle from them; he’s removed both his cuffs revealing smooth, unmarked wrists. Kurt nudges her and she blushes, whispering, “I’ve never seen someone be so open about being unmarked before. It’s indecent!”

“Adam’s unmarked, you’ve met him plenty of times,” Kurt points out but Rachel shakes her head.

“Adam still has a year before he’s officially unmarked, and at least he still wears his cuffs!” and she lowers her voice so no one overhears, “He doesn’t bare his wrists for the world to see. Even if that man doesn’t have a connection it’s still not right!”

Kurt looks over at the middle aged man and smooths out invisible creases in his pants uncomfortably, hoping that he can’t overhear them. “I suppose once you get to a certain age it’s embarrassing to wear two cuffs.”

There is a moment of static sounding overhead, before the Captain starts to speak, requesting that passengers keep their seat belts fastened as they begin their descent into Columbus. “Finally, I wish all the best to those of you who are meeting your soulmate this beautiful St Valentine’s Day!” 

The seatbelt sign above them lights up, and Air Hostesses start to walk down the aisle one more time checking for rubbish. Rachel nudges her elbow into Kurt’s side, and smiles at him, raising an eyebrow. He knows that she’s thinking the same thing as he is. Twenty is the average age for connections so it’s likely this time next year he’ll know his soulmate’s name, be able to feel his emotions and may even be communicating with him online. They might be together this time next year, celebrating their first Valentine’s Day as a connected couple.

Rachel takes a deep breath and composes herself. “So, Kurt. Are you nervous about seeing Blaine for the first time since...?” 

“Really Rachel?” Kurt gives her a flat look in response. This time last year he wasn’t thinking about becoming connected at all. He was so sure he and Blaine would stay together. 

“Now is the perfect time to discuss this! You should talk to your best friend, Kurt!”

Kurt folds his hands in his lap. “I’m picking him up this afternoon and we’re going to talk.” 

“Well, I know the last person I want to see is Finn. Especially if he’s with Sarah.” 

“You know he isn’t, Rachel. I would tell you if he was in contact with her,” Kurt says, and Rachel turns away from him, not wanting to hear. 

The thought of the end of their high school relationships still hurts. When everything was happening between Finn and Rachel though, Kurt was still sure that Blaine was _it_ for him. Blaine had held his hands in front of Miss Pillsbury and trembled with the effort of not crying and said, “I don’t want that to happen to us, Kurt. Please, I don’t want you to forget about me in New York and then become connected and--” and Kurt had interrupted, and pulled him into a hug, and told him “I’ll never say goodbye to you,” like it was a promise he could keep. 

For a brief moment he wonders what their relationship would be like if they’d done the mature thing and talked more about their options and broken up amicably because surely they would have realized that a long distance relationship with someone who isn’t your soulmate would never work. He wonders if they’d still be friends, before shaking his head. 

He has no intention of saying goodbye to Blaine, that’s what this trip is about, partly. They’re going to start to mend their friendship. Maybe they aren’t everything to each other anymore (and could they ever really be?) but they were such good friends when they first met and Kurt wants that again. He wants his best friend back.

Rachel puts a hand on his shoulder, “You know Blaine can go to the wedding with Tina. We don’t have to interact with our exes at all; it’ll be just like a daytime soap opera! We don’t owe them anything, Kurt, we’re NYADA _stars_ , we’ll walk past them as if - “

“I want to see Blaine, Rachel.” Kurt says, and it is true. He has no idea whether he’s forgiven Blaine yet or not, but he misses having Blaine as a friend. They were never going to spend the rest of their lives together, the end of their relationship still hurts _so much_ but maybe they can move past that and be friends again.

“I know you say that now but maybe a wedding isn’t the best place to try and talk,” She puts a hand on his shoulder, and looks at him sympathetically. 

“We have to talk, Rachel. Our relationship fell apart because we weren’t communicating. We thought we could ignore our future connections for our high school sweetheart but as soon as we were apart we barely knew what was happening in each other’s lives. That doesn’t happen with soulmates, it _doesn’t_ and that’s what we were trying to be to each other. If we can just talk, maybe we can be friends again-”

“But he broke your _heart_ , Kurt. I was there,” Rachel interrupts, voice gaining volume. 

“It could have been worse.” Kurt whispers, his finger has slipped underneath his right cuff again and he presses down hard. “He cheated and he apologised, and I’m on my way to forgiving him. I don’t think I could have ever faced him again if he chose his soulmate over me while we were still dating. I saw what it did to you and Finn, Rachel.”

“He still slept with someone else,” She says pointedly. Rachel sits up straighter in her seat moving the seatbelt a little so it sits over her dress more comfortably. Her mouth is a straight unimpressed line as she looks at Kurt.

“I know,” Kurt doesn’t meet her eyes, just stares at his lap and rubs under his cuff harder. “I know that Rachel, and it still hurts. I hate it - but we were never meant to be with each other, Rachel. It was always going to happen, sooner or later. It’s better that it happened then, and we broke up and can mend our friendship without being connected.” The more he says it, the more he believes it. 

“Brody and I have a mature, open relationship so that if we meet our soulmate there will be no hard feelings,” Rachel points out.

“You’re not even connected yet, Rachel. You have no idea how it will make you feel,” Kurt says harshly, finally meeting her eyes. “Will you really be with Brody when your soulmate can feel those emotions too? Blaine knows me better than anyone and I want to be friends again but don’t tell me we should be like you and Brody. That’s not healthy.”

Rachel glares at him fiercely, practically bristling with offence. “Well Brody has connected, and he’s fine with it, and it doesn’t matter that I’m not connected! I want to be established on Broadway and nominated for my first Tony before I look for him. Finding your soulmate too early can be extremely debilitating for careers, Kurt.” Rachel’s tone is loud and shrill in the quiet cabin and the person sitting next to her turns away from them and places the bulky airplane headphones over his ears. 

“I know Rachel, you’ve mentioned it before,” Kurt says, looking out the tiny airplane window. There is a fine mist obstructing the view of the ground as they descend and his heart seems to beat a tiny bit faster knowing how close he is to Lima again, to their old school friends, to his Dad and to _Blaine_.

“I only mention these things because I care, Kurt.” Rachel says. There is sincerity in her expression, her eyes have softened and her mouth curves down into a frown. They’ve been close the past few months, despite the fact their bold personalities clash more often than not, and Kurt sighs, finally meeting her eyes. He does know that she cares.

“I know, Rachel. Maybe that works for you and Brody, but this is the right decision for Blaine and I. We’ll finally talk about everything and move past our break up.” Kurt smiles at her, and the airplane rumbles underneath them as the landing wheels descend. “This wedding is the start of our new friendship.”

\- 

A few hours later Kurt sits in his rental car and triple checks his outfit There was barely any time to get ready for the wedding in between dropping Rachel off and catching up with his Dad, and Kurt tells himself that that’s why he’s so nervous about this. If he’d been able to do his complete 40 minute facial routine he’d be much more composed. 

Flipping down the mirror again, Kurt straightens his bow tie and adjusts his cuffs. He bought a new pair for the wedding, Dior and a deep beautiful black with silver studs to complement his jacket, but the stiff leather is still uncomfortable against his skin. He rubs at his right cuff one more time, before he reaches into the back seat to get his coat. Then he takes a deep breath and leaves the car.

The house is typical middle class suburbia, far too large for the block, bare roses framing the path to the impressive oversized front door. The pathway from his car to the front door is familiar, he’s parked here and walked inside and up to Blaine’s room a thousand times before but this time feels _different_. He hesitates as he reaches for the door handle because he honestly doesn’t know what to expect from this version of Blaine other than heartbreak and apologetic text messages. 

This is what he wants though, no matter how hard it may be, no matter how much Blaine hurt him. He wants to be friends, and to be friends he and Blaine need to be able to be in the same room together.

The door is unlocked, Blaine’s parents are out for Valentine’s, so Kurt walks straight in and up the stairs (skipping the second from the top on instinct, the creak it makes reverberates around the whole house) to Blaine’s room. He hesitates outside for a second, before knocking on the door.

“Blaine?”

“Just a second!” Blaine replies, sounding muffled as though he’s still getting changed. Kurt smiles at the sound of his voice, he hasn’t talked to Blaine via skype or phone since Thanksgiving, almost four months ago. Just hearing him again makes him sure he’s doing the right thing, and he leans against the doorway.

“Kurt, Hi,” Blaine opens the door. He stands there for a second, unsure, before they hug. Their bodies press against each other, touching everywhere possible, and Blaine’s arms encircle his neck. For a moment Kurt breathes in Blaine, resting his head against his heavily gelled hair before they pull apart and Blaine moves aside to let Kurt in his room.

“I’m sorry, I’m not quite ready yet,” Blaine says. His shirt is untucked, tie undone around his neck but Kurt’s eyes immediately go to his bare wrists. He’s holding his formal black cuffs in one hand, the same ones he wore to their prom last year with the silver detailing in the seams, and Kurt can’t take his eyes off him. He’s beautiful: exposed wrists, gelled hair and wide brown eyes.

Kurt steps closer until they’re close enough to touch. He isn’t meant to see Blaine like this anymore, and the moment feels precious, charged with electricity but like it could shatter at any moment. Blaine has every right to cover his wrists and tell Kurt to wait in the car and never speak to him again.

The silence has gone on too long, but Blaine doesn’t do any of those things, instead he takes in a shaky breath and whispers, “Kurt?” 

“Can I - ?” he trails off, unsure, but Blaine understands. 

“Of course,” he replies, and gives the formal cuffs to Kurt, holding his wrists up. 

Kurt’s hands tremble as he gently touches Blaine’s wrist, lingering for just a moment too long as he pushes the sleeves of his shirt back. His skin is warm and soft against his fingertips. He moves Blaine’s hand closer towards him and snaps the hidden buttons closed. The tension is palpable in the air around them, the hairs on Kurt’s arms are raised, and maybe it’s from the chill outside but it seems as if his entire body is anticipating the feel of Blaine’s skin against his own. Kurt doesn’t break eye contact as his gently caresses down the silver seam of the cuff, and Blaine exhales, “God,” like it’s a whimper, like he can feel Kurt through the leather.

He gently moves onto Blaine’s left hand, placing the cuff around Blaine’s wrist and kissing the inside of his palm when he’s finished, whispering “I missed you,” into the skin there.

“Kurt,” Blaine says. He holds Kurt’s hand and pulls him into a tight hug, so they’re pressed together intimately. Blaine’s cuff scratches against the back of Kurt’s neck, and he whispers, “I missed you too.”

Kurt sits on Blaine’s bed as he finishes getting dressed. The room is still neat and organized; the only mess is the inordinate amount of practice exams on his desk, math textbook open beside them. Blaine stands in front of his mirror, deftly folding his tie, fingers going through the motions with practiced ease.

“Do you have a test coming up?” Kurt says. 

Blaine groans, hands clenching into fists for a second before he makes eye contact with Kurt through the reflection, “Don’t mention it to me. I have the calculus exam from _hell_ on Monday.”

“I definitely don’t miss that.”

Blaine turns away from the mirror and approaches Kurt. “I bet you don’t, NYADA student. Do you even have exams?” 

Kurt smiles, “The practical exams can be challenging, but any written work is about music or dance so it’s interesting.”

“That sounds like _heaven_ right now.” Blaine says, and he touches the back of Kurt’s hand. When his fingers softly connect though, he startles back, as if he didn’t even know he was doing it. Kurt looks at Blaine, eyes wide and unsure. He wants to say that it’s okay, but friends don’t hold hands. Could they be the type of friends who do?

“Kurt?” Blaine says, his voice tentative in comparison to the easy banter before.

“Yes?”

“Would it be weird for you if I applied to NYADA as well? I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, Kurt. It’s a good school though, and I was thinking -- “Blaine starts, scratching at his left cuff subconsciously.

Kurt stands and touches his hand over the cuff, interrupting his rambling. “It wouldn’t be weird. I want to be friends again.” 

“I want that too,” Blaine’s voice is hoarse with emotion. Kurt hugs him tightly; he can smell Blaine’s cologne and the faint clean smell of his body wash, and his heavily gelled hair prickly at his cheek. 

A few minutes later Kurt follows Blaine through the pristine house as he turns off lights and searches for his house keys. They walk closer to each other than usual, their bodies pressed against each other as Blaine gets his bag together.

They’re holding hands as Kurt pulls out of Blaine’s street. “It’s great that Miss Pillsbury and Mr Schue are getting married,” he says.

“They seem so excited, I know it was hard for them to dampen the connection when they weren’t together,” Blaine says.

“They were sad for a long time.” Kurt says. At school Mr. Schue had often take the time to explain how important it was to wait for your soulmate and not make the same mistake he did and dampen the connection to be with someone else. More than once he had made prolonged eye contact with Kurt and Blaine during it. 

Blaine is regarding him sadly when he stops at a traffic light. “What?” Kurt asks.

“Do you think we would have ended up like that?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt replies. “It makes it seem like it’s better this way.”

Blaine nods in agreement, “What everyone says has to have some truth to it, and seeing what Miss Pillsbury and Mr Schuester went through, and the stories of how toxic the break-up between Mr Schue and his wife was.”

Kurt smiles, and squeezes his hand. “It’s better this way.” and then the light turns green and the moment is over.

They stop outside Tina’s house and Kurt watches from the car as Blaine chats with Tina’s mom at the door, before Tina emerges. As soon as Blaine is back in his seat they’re holding hands again, and Kurt can see Tina’s eyes narrow when she notices, but Kurt can’t bring himself to let go, instead gently caressing at the skin near Blaine’s cuff. Blaine turns to look at him and smiles and Kurt returns it. They’re friends again, they have nothing to be ashamed of.

“Are we going?” Tina asks, impatiently tapping her foot against his seat, and it takes an abnormal amount of effort for Kurt to stop looking at Blaine long enough to drive. He looks so good though, so confident and happy, and it’s such a relief to be in his presence again. He squeezes Blaine’s hand, and at the next stop light smiles at him again.

\- 

When they arrive at the church early, Tina undoes her seatbelt and leans into the front. She smiles sweetly at Blaine, eyes flicking to their held hands, “Have you guys talked yet?”

“No,” Blaine says. “Could you leave us alone for a little while?”

Tina huffs, glaring at Kurt, before saying to Blaine, “Only because you obviously need to talk about this. Meet me inside in a few minutes?” She gives Blaine a sweet smile before leaving the car, slamming the door closed with more force than absolutely necessary. 

Kurt blinks, startled at Tina’s abruptness. He always considered her a friend, they were one of the original members of the New Directions, even though they were never the type to sit together and talk for hours. He does know Tina has a temper though. “Is everything okay with her?”

“Tina’s been really supportive, recently,” Blaine says quietly, his voice low and serious. “Even after everything I did, she’s been really sweet.”

Kurt quirks one eyebrow up, lifting one corner of his mouth into a sardonic smile and he says, unconvinced, “That wasn’t really my definition of sweet.”

“I’ve really missed you, Kurt,” Blaine squeezes his hand, eyes wide and earnest and he’s absolutely beautiful. He obviously didn’t spend enough time on his hair this morning, already curling out of it’s gelled prison, and his face is flushed. Kurt squeezes back, and can’t stop looking at him, feeling so comfortable again in his presence.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Kurt replies. Right now he can’t imagine how he’s survived for so many months with so little contact with Blaine, because it feels like he’ll fall apart if they stop touching. 

“I’m so sorry, Kurt. I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am,” Blaine says. His voice is hoarse and barely more than a whisper, and he looks at their clasped hands, as if mesmerised.

“I know, Blaine. I know,” Kurt says. For all these months he’s wanted to hear Blaine’s apology in person, but it barely seems to matter anymore. Blaine’s expression is remorseful, and _so sincere_ it’s like Kurt can feel the echo of his feelings in himself. “We just have to make new memories, now that we’re friends again.” and their noses are touching and he’s not sure how they got so close. He reaches up and cups Blaine’s jaw with his left hand, and looks at his mouth for barely a second, he licks his lips and his heart pounds.

Kurt isn’t sure who moves so that their lips are pressed against each other, but within moments they’re kissing. It’s soft and sweet, slight pressure against his lips, and feels so right. Kurt closes his eyes and kisses harder, opening his lips slightly to catch against Blaine’s. He bites at his upper lip, softly and Blaine moans, opening his mouth and they deepen the kiss. Blaine tastes the same, mint toothpaste, and Kurt surges forward desperate for more, loving the way their tongues move against each other. He breaks the kiss and breathes against Blaine’s lips for a second and Blaine follows with a whimper, before grimacing and laughing.

“Handbrake,” He says, smiling brightly and raising an eyebrow cheekily. “Would you care to move to the back seat?”

“Yes please,” Kurt says, laughing for a second. Blaine is still a charming dork and Kurt feels overwhelmed by how much he still loves him, despite everything. 

Once Blaine is stretched out across the back seat Kurt climbs after him and straddles his hips, sliding his hands up his chest and undoing buttons as Blaine looks up at him. He moves forward, catching Blaine’s lips in a kiss they both immediately deepen, kissing until their lips are red from pressing against each other.

Kurt pulls back, “Blaine, we’re not back together - we can’t be.” He can’t stop pressing down against Blaine, his ass against Blaine’s cock and his fingers in his hair.

“No, I know. We’re not connected, we’re just -” Blaine replies, chasing after his lips and kissing him again part way through the sentence.

“Friends,” Kurt mumbles into his mouth, breathing against his lips, “Okay?”

“Mm, yes.” Blaine replies, biting his lip and then licking over the sore spot and it’s _too much_.

Kurt leans in and mouths at his jaw, and Blaine’s hand cups the back of his head, massaging through the fine hairs there. He nips, lightly at the skin, tasting sweat and _Blaine_ and god he wishes this boy was his. He clamps his mouth down and sucks until the skin is red and saliva slick, and Blaine is moaning underneath him and hard against his hip. Blaine angles his head and thrusts up against him and they’re kissing again, panting into each other’s mouths and moving their legs until their cocks are rutting against each other, desperate for release because it’s been so long, and he’s missed Blaine so much and now they’re here and of course they can be friends, friends who kiss sometimes and who know their relationship will end someday because of unnamed soulmates but until then, god, they can have this. 

He pulls back, and looks at Blaine. Blaine is completely dishevelled, panting and smiling up at him, hair curling out of its gel helmet. Kurt opens his mouth but has no idea what to say or why he isn’t still kissing Blaine. 

Blaine follows him, leaning up to chase his mouth and his hips moving so they’re still grinding together. “Kurt?”

Kurt smiles, moaning into the next kiss, and licking into his mouth, before he says, ”God, Blaine. Don’t stop.”

Blaine moans in agreement, falling back against the car seat and Kurt kisses him again, hands desperately running up and down Blaine’s shirt, trying to undo more buttons. He thrusts down and Blaine moans, and he can feel him hard, straining against his slacks. 

Blaine’s hands are on his back, clutching against sensitive skin and reaching back to cup his ass underneath his pants, so they can get more friction. Kurt moans, “Please, god, _Blaine_.” and Blaine whimpers, high and overwhelmed and so _close_ , “Fuck, Kur--”

and there’s a tap at the window, it’s hard to see who it is because the windows are fogged up. Kurt groans in frustration, letting his weight settle onto Blaine as Blaine snortles unattractively into his hair and Mercedes opens the car door and looks at them, unimpressed, while mentioning something about the Wedding, and blasphemy. 

For a second, Kurt is mortified. He’d almost forgotten about the wedding, and that they were on a time frame. He could have kissed Blaine for hours.

Blaine smiles up at him, and Kurt kisses him again because he _knows_ Blaine feels the same. They almost came in their pants in the back of a car in a church parking lot in broad daylight, and Kurt just wants more. 

They quickly scramble out of the car and walk with Mercedes’ to the church. It’s beautifully decked out with white flowers, and they take their seat on Mr Schue’s side of the church. The glee club sings along with Mr. Schue as Miss Pillsbury walks down the aisle, Mercedes’ soprano soaring above the rest of them, angelic, but Kurt can barely remember the lyrics. He’s never felt so detached from a song before, especially one at a _wedding_ but his finger rubs against his right cuff and he can’t stop focussing on the feel of Blaine pressed close against his side. His body strains towards him and their hands keep brushing. 

When Mr. Schue says his vows their eyes meet and they smile at each other.

\- 

Not long after they enter the reception hall Tina drags Blaine away to get refreshments, and to claim a few dances with her date. Rachel finds Kurt quickly, standing in the corner by the cupcakes, watching them bicker their way up to the table. She clutches onto Kurt’s arm, creasing his jacket and he attempts to focus on her instead of watching Blaine walk through the crowd of wedding guests.

“I thought we were ignoring our exes, Kurt!” she hisses, after a quick look around to make sure Finn isn’t in the vicinity.

“I never said that.”

“Right,” Rachel says, somehow managing to make him feel like she’s looking down her nose at him despite the height difference between them. “You said you were going to _talk_ , Kurt. But I haven’t seen any talking!”

The fluorescent pink lights start flashing and music starts to play. Immediately Kurt notices Blaine with Tina on the dance floor, smiling widely at her and pulling her into an elaborate twirl. That particularly energetic move splashes his drink down his hand, and Kurt can see how the liquid splashes over his cuff and onto his shirt and he flushes bright red. They definitely haven’t talked, but, “Rachel, everyone hooks up at weddings.”

“They really, _really_ , don’t, Kurt. Not unless they’re with their soulmate. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“We’re friends again,” He says. He can see Blaine on the dance floor laughing and his heart _aches_ with how much he wants to go over there and hold him and he rubs his cuff again, subconsciously trying to fit his finger between the leather and skin. 

Rachel scoffs, “Friends don’t act like that, Kurt.”

“We will be, I just.” Kurt pauses, “Rachel, I don’t want to screw this up. He’s my _best friend_.”

“ _I’m_ your best friend, Kurt. Blaine is your ex-boyfriend and while it’s completely natural for you to want to go back to him it can only hurt the both of you. Remember what we talked about on the plane? He’s not your soulmate, and I know you’re looking forward to being connected.”

“Of course I am, but - “ he still can’t take his eyes off Blaine in the crowd, laughing as Tina tries to take his drink from him to ensure there aren’t any more spills. He twirls away from her in such a way that Tina is suddenly laughing far too much to chase him. A surge of affection rushes through Kurt and _how can feeling this be wrong?_

“Good, it’s settled then,” Rachel says, pulling him down into a hug and kissing him on the cheek before she moves through the crowd. 

Finn interrupts the DJ to introduce Mr Schue and Ms Pillsbury as a married couple, and starts singing “After the Fall” by Journey of all things and the lyrics aren’t exactly appropriate but Mr Schue and Ms Pillsbury seem to be enjoying themselves, swaying to the music and smiling at each other the way only connected couples do. It’s as if they’re in their own world, where they know all of each other’s secrets and are completely content, as if just being near each other calms their souls.

Kurt wants that, but more than anything he wants him and Blaine to be alright again. He has no idea what to do, so he stands in the corner and watches them dance.

Blaine approaches him not long after the first dance, his left sleeve stained from coke, and a wide breathless smile on his face, “Hi,” he says. “What are you doing over here, all by yourself?”

Blaine’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes though, and he very tentatively touches the back of Kurt’s hand, as if he half expects to be told to go away. In the background, Finn finishes the song and the audience claps before Santana and Quinn shakily approach the stage to sing “Don’t You Want Me,” which is apparently the theme song for _tipsy and unexpectedly questioning my sexuality_. 

“Do you want to dance?” Kurt asks. 

“Okay,” Blaine nods. Kurt quickly grabs his hand and pulls him onto the edge of the dance floor where a number of Ms Pillsbury’s red haired bridesmaids are enthusiastically jumping up and down in time with the beat, despite Santana’s slurred singing. It’s not a slow song, but Blaine’s arms instantly come up to encircle around his neck and Kurt lets his hands rest on his back and they slowly move together. The stiff leather of Blaine’s cuffs rub against his neck, and Kurt tightens his arms around him. He can smell Blaine’s aftershave, and his raspberry hair gel and his heart swells at how wonderful it is to be near him again, to be holding Blaine so intimately again.

The song changes, Santana and Quinn stumbling off the stage and to the direction of the open bar again. The DJ takes over, and continues the hits of the 80s to play “Take my breath away,” and other couples come onto the dance floor to sway to the beat.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Kurt says. It feels right to be with Blaine like this again, even if they haven’t had a chance to really discuss anything yet like they planned. That can come later.

Blaine sighs, content and comfortable again. Kurt feels him nod, before he whispers, “Me too.” 

For the rest of the song, they hold each other and sway amongst the other couples in the room. In the centre, Ms Pillsbury and Mr Schue are beaming at each other, their mutual happiness magnifying their emotion to obvious euphoria. Kurt rests his head against Blaine’s and focuses on how right this feels, connected or not, he can feel Blaine’s cuffs rough against his neck, his hair against his cheek and it’s almost like nothing has changed. He can feel how truly content Blaine is, too, through his deep breaths and the soft smile on his face, and how he leans his weight against Kurt. 

When the song finishes, and Kurt pulls back to look at Blaine again, and takes his hand. “I have a room upstairs, if you’d like to come with me.”

Blaine’s hand tightens around his, and for a moment Kurt thinks he’s made a mistake but then Blaine’s expression softens into something intimate and wondrous and he says, “Of course, Kurt. Of course I do.”

Kurt can’t help it. He squeezes back and presses his lips to Blaine’s for just a second, before he says, “Okay, then.” 

Blaine smiles and grabs his hand, leading him to the elevators. They walk through the Pillsbury side of the family, connected redheads talking with other couples, and avoid any awkward conversations with the other New Directions members. Kurt notices one of the new kids looking at them from the other side of the room, but they don’t call out, so he focuses on Blaine instead.

The elevator is already at the ground floor, so the doors open almost immediately. “Floor?” Blaine asks, and Kurt pulls out the key from his coat jacket, showing him the embossed _206_.

Kurt shivers, revelling in the feel of Blaine pressed against his side. Everywhere they’re touching is sensitive, but somehow insufficient. They’re only going to talk, of course, but all Kurt wants to do is push him against the wall and kiss him until the elevator music quietens and the door chimes open, or maybe they could pull the emergency stop and kiss until maintenance staff are called to fix the elevator. That might give them _hours_ together. 

Blaine’s thumb is brushing back and forth on the back of his palm, achingly close to his cuff. 

All too soon, they reach the second floor, and walk slowly towards the room. Blaine lets go of his hand, trying to put some distance between them but it feels immense. With every step though, their bodies lean towards the other, and soon they are touching again, hands brushing against the other with every step.

At the door, Blaine stands back and lets Kurt open it, hands trembling and eyes distant. Kurt turns around, pushing the door handle open and smiles at him, pulling him inside by his tie. He pushes him against the door, holds his hand and nuzzles against his nose for a second. Blaine’s eyes are wide and stunned for a second, before he angles his head and they’re kissing deeply. His arms come up to encircle Kurt’s neck, before he pulls back, and leans hard against the door.

“Is this okay? Should we … “ Blaine asks, and Kurt nods quickly, kissing him again and stopping him in the middle of his sentence. “… talk?” he finishes, smiling wide.

“Yes, probably,” Kurt says, but his reply in contradicted completely by how he immediately kisses Blaine again. He reaches up to frame Blaine’s face with his hands, fingers threading through the hair behind his ears and releasing it from the gel. Blaine smiles into the kiss, laughing slightly, before he kisses back eagerly.

This time, when the kiss breaks they pant into each other’s mouths, before resting their foreheads together, “We’re friends Blaine, we can’t be more but maybe, just - “ 

“Just tonight?” Blaine questions, his voice wavering and Kurt knows he wasn’t the only person who missed this, who wishes it could be different. 

“Please,” Kurt says, kissing him again. “Blaine, I missed you so much.”

“I did too,” He replies, moving his hand up to rub at Kurt’s hairline. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. I know,” he says shortly, and Blaine pulls back again. Kurt doesn’t want to talk about that, doesn’t want the reminder that Blaine has had this with someone else. That Blaine was always meant to be with someone else. Last time they were together they still believed they could be everything to each other and just for tonight Kurt wants to pretend again. “We’re not connected, we can’t ever be everything to each other but maybe just for tonight?”

“Yes,” Blaine whispers, taking Kurt’s hand and kissing him again. They slowly move towards the bed in the middle of the. Kurt trips slightly, toeing off his shoes and socks as they go, and as they stand in front of the bed Blaine lets his hand slip down to his pants, flicking the button open and pulling the zipper down. Blaine kneels and pulls his pants down to his ankles, immediately pressing his mouth over the damp spot on his black briefs, and mouthing at Kurt’s dick until he’s completely hard. 

He looks up at Kurt, lips swollen and red from kissing and slowly pulls his briefs down over his cock. There is a moment of awkwardness, Blaine hiding a laugh into his palm as Kurt stumbles to get his pants and underwear completely off from where they’re caught around his ankles as gracefully as possible, and Kurt shoves at Blaine’s shoulder in retaliation. Then he sits at the edge of the bed and Blaine kneels between his open legs, first licking the sensitive skin of his upper thigh, before sucking and leaving the flesh red and inflamed. He trails up wetly until he finally licks up the large vein on the underside of his cock, before taking him into his mouth and sucking hard and Kurt moans, loudly, bucking his hips. 

“Blaine,” he says, fingers threading through Blaine’s hair, and pulling slightly. Blaine hums in response, tongue swirling around the head of his cock before he moves his head, using his hand to jerk where his mouth can’t reach.

It’s not long before Kurt is moaning hard, thrusting into his mouth and he quickly pushes at Blaine’s shoulder until he moves back. He pulls Blaine up into a deep kiss, tasting his own precum on his tongue. He smiles at Blaine, “You need less clothes on.” 

A minute later they’re naked except for their cuffs, clothes strewn about the room and Kurt lies on top of Blaine and kisses him messily, the rough leather scratching against his back as Blaine clutches him. He can feel Blaine’s cock hard against his stomach, rubbing against each other. Something doesn’t feel right though, so Kurt sits up and moves back. Blaine follows, and he offers his cuff to Blaine. 

“Could you - ?” Kurt asks, but trails off because he’s not completely sure how to frame the question. Even when they were dating they rarely removed their cuffs when they were together. Right now all he wants is to see Blaine’s wrists again, and his own stiff cuff feels too hard against the sensitive skin underneath.

“Yes, Kurt. God,” Blaine says shakily, hands coming up to encircle his left wrist before finding the dainty snap fasteners on the side and pushing them open. He carefully removes it from his wrist, before placing the cuff on the bedside table and moving to the right cuff. 

Blaine kisses the edge of the Dior cuff, unfastening and removing it slowly. It’s such a relief to have it off and Kurt smiles, “Thank you.” 

Blaine doesn’t move away this time though, instead his eyes stay locked on the exposed skin before kissing his wrist softly. Kurt exhales shakily, but Blaine’s lips stay where they are, exactly over the spot where his soulmates’ name might appear one day. He moves back only to lick at his wrist and kiss wetly again over the sensitive area. Kurt moans loudly, “Blaine, oh God.” and his other hand moves down to his cock and starts jerking slowly. A drop of precum slides over his hand and he’s never felt so aroused. They’ve never done anything as intimate as this. 

“Blaine,” Kurt says again, and Blaine mouths at the spot again, making him moan, before he sucks hard and _God_ if he was connected his soulmate would have felt that, would have felt Blaine giving him a hickey on his _soul mark_. “I want you inside me. Please.” he whimpers and Blaine pulls back, breathing heavily against the wet skin. 

Blaine’s arms encircle Kurt’s back and he kisses him desperately, all tongue and teeth and noses pressed against each other, “Yes, Kurt. Yes.” 

Kurt kisses him once more, before pulling away to look for lube and condoms, which he finds in his wallet. When he turns back Blaine has removed his cuffs and is lying on the bed watching him intently, and Kurt smiles and joins him.

Kurt keeps eye contact with Blaine as he fingers himself, Blaine’s mouth is parted and his expression amazed. His hands rest on Kurt’s thighs, softly stroking his skin there before he reaches forward and kisses Kurt, once softly on the mouth, before he wetly kisses and sucks down his neck. Kurt moans, adding a second finger and baring his neck to Blaine’s ministrations.

A few seconds later, Kurt pulls his fingers out and reaches for the lube. He coats them generously before adding a third finger, arching his back and moaning at how full he feels. It’s been months, they broke up in October, and before that he hadn’t seen Blaine since _September_ , five months since they’ve done anything together. Blaine leans back a bit and watches him, one hand moving from Kurt’s thigh to slowly stroke over his cock until Kurt is stretched enough.

Kurt moves over him, lining up and pressing one hand to his chest. Blaine breathes through his open mouth, letting out a broken moan as Kurt lowers down his cock.

Once he’s seated, Blaine’s balls against his ass, Kurt breathes out slowly and smiles down at Blaine, clenching his ass muscles to make him moan again and revelling in the feeling of being filled completely. It’s aching slightly, but he stretched himself well and it’s a _good_ ache that he knows he’ll feel Blaine tomorrow and maybe even the day after. 

Blaine leans up to kiss him, teeth scraping against lips and licking into each other’s mouths as Kurt begins to move. Slowly at first, until he finds the right angle where Blaine’s cock presses against his prostate. Blaine starts to thrust as well, and moving in time with Kurt so he reaches even deeper and Kurt moans, loudly, until his thighs are aching with the strain of moving up and down so quickly and they’re panting into each other’s mouths.

“You feel so good,” Blaine mumbles against his lips, before kissing him again.

Kurt arches his back, and Blaine immediately moves to nip at his neck, sucking at the sensitive spot just above his collarbone. Kurt starts jerking his cock with one hand, the other on Blaine’s shoulder to support his movements and it’s not long before he feels the pleasure building. He tightens his fist and Blaine thrusts hard and he’s coming over their chests, body trembling and tightening around Blaine and he hears him moan and continue thrusting through his own orgasm.

Afterwards they curl together, and exchange soft kisses. Blaine traces patterns against Kurt’s back with his fingers, before settling his hands at the base of his back just above the swell of his ass. They kiss and thrust against each other until they come, one more time, sensitive and overwrought, and fall asleep holding hands.

\- 

The next morning they’re woken early by the morning sunlight streaming in from the window, where they’ve left the curtains open wide. The musky smell of sex hangs low and heavy in the room, but Kurt snuffles into Blaine’s neck and pulls the comforter up higher. They’re pressed together as intimately as possible, Kurt’s thigh wedged in between Blaine’s, and Kurt’s right hand is still held tightly in Blaine’s left. He doesn’t want to ever move, doesn’t ever want to stop touching Blaine like this but he knows he should spend some time with his family today, and it’s Friday so Blaine has to be at school sometime soon. 

Kurt kisses wetly at Blaine’s hairline, licking at the soft skin before sucking sharply and moving his head back to watch as the red mark fades. Blaine groans, a muffled, sleep burdened _mmmm?_

“Blaine?” Kurt whispers and Blaine makes another sound, this time some consonants and vowels instead of a groan but still completely unintelligible.

He squeezes Blaine’s hand, their cuffs are still off and the feeling of their sensitive wrists pressing together still astounds him. They almost never took their cuffs off when they were dating, so many people told them they shouldn’t be together at all, that they should save themselves for their soulmate that it took them a long time before they bared the most intimate part of their body to the other. It’s strange to know that if Kurt had a soul mark right now, his soulmate would be able to feel Blaine’s skin against him. It’s strange, but it’s the most intimate way Kurt can think of showing Blaine how much he trusts him, how much he still _loves_ him despite everything, to bare the connection he will one day have with his soulmate to him.

He kisses the side of his neck, where Blaine’s skin is starting to bruise. “Blaine, wake up.”

Blaine huffs a sigh, squeezing his hand and mumbling, “No.” He slowly thrusts his ass back against where Kurt’s cock is lying, soft against Blaine’s skin. Arousals courses through him, and he can feel himself harden even at Blaine’s small movements.

He nips at the bruise on Blaine’s neck, and slowly starts meeting Blaine’s thrusts, before whispering in his ear, “Mm, no time.” 

Blaine laughs breathlessly, “Always time for you.”

Kurt smiles at his cheesiness, which always comes so easy to Blaine in the morning, when words like I love you, I adore you, make me yours, flows out of his mouth uninhibited. “I don’t know if I can come again.”

He can hear the smile in Blaine’s voice as he says, “‘course you can.” and thrusts back harder and Kurt is well on his way to being completely hard with Blaine’s skin moving against him. He squeezes Blaine’s hand once more, before letting go and trailing softly through the sparse hairs on his stomach before softly encircling the base of his dick.

“Fuck, Kurt,” Blaine says, and Kurt licks at the sensitive skin at the base of his neck and listens to him moan and starts to pump his fist in times with his thrusts. He angles his hips so his cock is sliding between Blaine’s ass cheeks, and quickens his thrusts. Blaine moans, baring his neck completely to Kurt as one particularly hard thrust presses hard against his asshole, and Kurt squeezes around the head of his cock.

“You’re so beautiful, fuck Blaine. So gorgeous like this,” Kurt says, panting into his ear, and then moaning as the friction becomes almost too much.

“Fuck me, Kurt. Please.” 

Kurt moans, “Blaine,” thinking that there is no time, not enough time and the lube is too far away. He tightens his hand on the upstroke, squeezing over the head of Blaine’s cock and Blaine bites his own wrist to try and stop moaning as he spills over Kurt’s fist and that does it for Kurt, his own wrist _aches_ and he comes all over Blaines back.

As he watches cum pools in the dip of Blaine’s back, just above the curve of his ass. “Blaine, oh my God.”

Blaine rolls over though, ruining the view and getting even more cum on the sheets, he stretches out and lazily smiles at Kurt, content. “Mm, best way to wake up ever.” 

Kurt tries not to smile, but he can’t contain it. He leans over Blaine, smiling into his mouth as he kisses him deeply, he doesn’t care that they both have morning breath (did they even stop to brush their teeth last night?) he has to kiss Blaine. When he pulls back he touches noses with him, so close he could count every single one of Blaine’s ridiculously long eyelashes. 

Blaine smiles against his lips, “You agree then?”

Kurt kisses his nose. “Of course I do.”

“Shower?” Blaine asks.

Kurt laughs again, “If that’s an invitation then yes please.”

-

An hour and a half later Kurt pulls into the driveway of his Dad and Carole’s house and sits for a moment. He’d taken Blaine to school, still in awe of the messy post-sex curls Blaine hadn’t been able to completely fix at the hotel and the sincerity of Blaine’s smile. 

Now that Blaine’s not near anymore Kurt starts to worry. He already wants to see Blaine again, but nothing about this trip has gone to plan so far. They were going to talk, to see if they could be friends again, but Rachel was right. Since the moment he saw Blaine in his bedroom it seems they did everything _but_ talk. His hands clench into fists and he hopes that they haven’t ruined everything, but he feels like they might have. 

He takes a deep breath and tries not to panic, putting his head in his hands. There were so many things he and Blaine needed to talk about, the end of their relationship, being better at communicating, _boundaries_ and nothing was said. They had sex, and it was amazing to feel connected like that to someone again, but did it really even mean anything? They’re not back together, but aren’t they in the same position again? How are they going to ever talk again, to be _friends_ when one of them wakes up connected?

What have they done?

He walks up the path to the front door, opening it with his worn key, the one he still has on his keychain because his Dad had told him “You’ll always be welcome here Kurt, you and Finn. I always want you to feel like this is your home.” 

“Kurt? Is that you?” Burt calls at the sound of the heavy door closing. “I was worried, buddy. I know you told me you might stay, but it’s not like you to not text.”

Kurt doesn’t respond for a few seconds, instead he looks around the familiar hallway (the coat rack he’d made his Dad buy when he was 10, the beautiful wooden hall table that Carole had inherited from her Mother) and tries not to think about what happened anymore. Burt gets up, and Kurt can hear his footsteps come closer, until he enters the hallway and they stop. 

“Kurt? What’s wrong, buddy?” Burt says.

“Sorry Dad,” Kurt says, leaning back against the door. The room seems too bright all of a sudden, light reflecting off the stark off-white walls and he looks down at the floor.

“How was the wedding?”

“It was great Dad,” He says.

Burt looks at him suspiciously, and takes his cap off to rub his hand over his bald head, worried. “You don’t sound like it was great, Kurt.” 

Kurt crosses his arms and looks down at the rug, intricate red and black designs interweaving and he follows the lines for a second to distract himself. He knows he can’t hide anything from his Dad, though, his Dad knows him better than anyone. 

“It’s complicated,” he whispers, his chest feels tight and his voice shakes, and he realises suddenly how close he is to crying. He has no idea why but it’s sudden and intense and he tries to take in a deep breath but it catches in his chest and his eyes already ache from holding back tears. “I just want to be alone for a while.”

Burt puts his cap back on, and places his hand on his son’s shoulder, “You know you can talk to me about anything, right Kurt?”

Kurt nods, and says, “I know, Dad. I think I’m just ready to go home.” He crosses his arms even tighter, and finally meets his Dad’s eyes, ashamed of the last sentence. It’s true though. The last place he wants to be right now is Ohio. 

Burt smiles comfortingly at him, and squeezes his shoulder. “If that will make you happy, Kurt, you can change your flight to this afternoon. Okay?” 

The relief rushes through him, and he nods and his Dad pulls him into a big hug, where he’s completely surrounded by flannel and the smell of motor oil. “Thank you.” 

Burt rubs his back, “I just want you to be happy, buddy, okay? You know you can talk to me about it whenever you’re ready.”

Kurt sniffs and nods into his father’s shirt. “I will, Dad. I promise.”

-

In New York that evening, Kurt sits on his bed in their empty apartment. Rachel and Brody have gone out for an early dinner, and even though they invited him to join them the thought of being the third wheel for yet another evening wasn’t particularly appealing. Kurt half-heartedly prepares something for class next week, typing out some notes on his laptop, but all he can hear is the sounds outside of New York city, taxi cabs honking and the low constant chatter of people outside with their friends or soulmates. He longs for Blaine, but nothing is fixed and he hasn’t even told him that he’s left Lima already. 

If this trip taught him anything, it’s that he’s not sure he can talk to Blaine at all.

Next to him on his comforter, his phone buzzes from an incoming text message, and Kurt quickly unlocks it to read it, hands shaking.

Blaine 5:26pm _double feature tonight? showgirls and all about eve!_

For a moment he stares it at, because Blaine is sitting at home in Lima and thinking about him, and he wants to see him again already. Nothing is right though, Blaine doesn’t even know he’s back in New York and Kurt has absolutely no idea what to say to him.

He locks the phone again and doesn’t reply.

-

A few days later Kurt stands in the kitchen and stares at the timer counting down on the microwave (05:03), one hand clenched into fist at how _slow_ it seems to be moving and he can’t bare it anymore. He scratches at his cuff, his comfortable leather one, and squeezes his fingers underneath to rub at his skin to take his mind off _something_. He feels anxious and stressed but there’s no reason for it. All he wants is to make some warm milk and then go to bed and hope that when he wakes up he doesn’t feel so _awful_ , but it’s only early in the afternoon. 

And he still hasn’t contacted Blaine. He has no idea what to say to him. Thanks for a great night, I have no idea what came over me and can’t stand that we barely communicated? I still can’t figure out if I miss you or I hate you or I love you and now everything seems so complicated I think we should stop attempting to talk altogether?

Kurt groans in frustration, digging his nails into his right wrist until the pain makes his eyes sting. He picks up the wooden spoon and stirs the remaining cookie batter just to try and keep his hands busy, to stop feeling so awful, but it doesn’t work. He’s rubbing at his wrist again moments later.

The door rolls open with a bang, and Santana strides in. She’s wearing a cute green dress that clashes horribly with her bright red cuff, and the waterproof mascara she put on in the morning is slightly smudged around her eyes from wearing it all day. Kurt removes his fingers from under his cuff as soon as he hears the door move, and Santana’s eyes narrow as soon as she spots him. 

“You baking, Hummel?” Santana says, and Kurt can hear the smirk in the tone of her voice. He doesn’t feel capable of answering, he feels like he needs to _do_ something. He’s just not sure what.

Kurt takes a deep breath before saying, sharply, “What?”

“Hey, I’ve got no issues as long as you’re going to share.” Santana says, and takes a seat at the kitchen bench watching. Kurt doesn’t look at her (03:21) but can practically hear the smirk in the tone of her voice. “So you and the gelled Warbler seemed mighty close at the wedding,” she draws out the vowels in the word mighty emphasising it and making it seem obscene. 

Kurt turns around, giving her an unimpressed look, raised eyebrows and mouth in a straight line. His fingers start tapping on the counter and he thinks that maybe if he had a pen or was writing he would feel better? He opens the draw next to the microwave, where they keep their pens and post-it notes.

“Don’t get pissy with me, Hummel. I’m just curious.”

Holding a pen doesn’t seem to help at all, but he scribbles on the notepad anyway. If he’s doing something he can stop focusing on how stressed he feels and they need groceries so he can write a list (tofu, broccoli, derivative is -1/(n+1)^2 + 2/(2n)^2 = 0) 

He takes in a deep breath and honestly has no idea what he just wrote. He was never any good at calculus, Blaine was a year behind him and understood the concepts better than he did. He places the pen back on the table, but his hand is unsteady and it ends up rolling onto the kitchen floor. He winces at the clatter and stares, confused, at the list he just attempted to write.

Santana has raised an eyebrow at him, as if she’s having a revelation. Kurt covers the post-it note with one hand, and snaps, “Nothing happened, Santana.”

“I know something happened,” she smirks. “No one saw either of you all reception, and if you weren’t talking then, well. Wanky.” 

Kurt’s cheeks flush bright red, “Fine, Santana. We hooked up. We’re still barely friends, and I can’t stand that he cheated on me and we haven’t resolved _anything_ other than some sexual tension. Happy now?” He’s rubbing roughly at his cuff again, so hard it almost hurts. His eyes are aching again, throat clenched, but there is no way he’s going to cry about Blaine again in front of Santana.

“Kurt,” Santana says, her voice quiet and serious. She’s standing across from him. “Kurt, stop.”

“What?” he asks.

“Stop - stop that!” she says, gesturing at where he’s still furiously pressing against his right cuff. “God, Kurt. How long have you been doing that for?” She reaches for his right wrist but he quickly takes a step away. Santana is the last person he wants touching that part of his body.

“It’s always been a habit,” He says carefully.

Santana looks at him disbelievingly, one eyebrow raised and arms crossed, “So you strangle your soul mark every day.” 

“It’s not strangling!” He hisses, before stopping and taking in her words. He looks down at his right cuff, and the difference between the two is definitely noticeable. The left one is worn and comfortable, but his right one has marks and scuffs, evidence of him scratching and pulling at it all weekend. “Soul mark? You think...” 

Santana smiles, “Mine was pretty sensitive too before her name appeared.”

“Oh god,” Kurt says, his hand is shaking and his eyes still fixed on his wrist. 

“Guessing you’ve had some pretty alien feelings, too.” Santana’s tone is bored, but she’s still standing close.

“I’ve been so stressed about something, but I - I don’t.” His mind is still going in circles, and he rubs over his right cuff, one more time. His _right_ cuff, his soul mark is going to be on his right wrist. 

“It’s not you, Kurt.”

“I need to sit down,” he says. The microwave timer beeps loudly into the apartment (00:00), sounding harsh when the only other sounds are his own tremulous breaths. Santana pushes him into a chair, and turns the oven off. She regards him carefully, picking a bit of leftover cookie dough out of the bowl on the counter before approaching him again.

“You okay?”

Kurt nods, and that’s all he feels capable of at the moment. Slowly, almost reverently, he takes off the cuff covering his left wrist, because he’s not unmarked anymore; his soul mark is coming through and he can feel his soulmate’s emotions. It’s the last time he’ll ever wear two cuffs.

“Huh, right marker are you? I’m a leftie,” She smirks, lifting up her left hand to show him her cuff covered wrist.

He smiles, but his fingers still want to rub at his right wrist and he still feels anxious and worried more than anything. “Is it always so overwhelming?”

“Their feelings?” Santana clarifies. “At first it is, but if you concentrate you should be able to tell the difference between your soulmate’s feelings and your own. Soon it’ll become natural.”

Kurt sits for a second and closes his eyes concentrating on the emotions niggling at the back of his head, stress, anxiety, concern? Now that Santana has mentioned it, it’s clear they are all separate from his own feelings of wonder and amazement because that’s his _soulmate_ he can feel, somewhere in the world the person who is perfect for him is feeling stressed and anxious about something. 

The smile on his face widens until he’s almost showing teeth, “Oh, wow.” He’s connected, he isn’t unmarked, his soulmate is out there and in a few days he won’t just be able to feel his emotions, he’ll also have his name. He’ll be able to caress that mark and know that wherever his soulmate is he can feel that on his own mark. Where _Kurt Hummel_ will be carefully written across his soulmate’s wrist.

Santana smirks, licking some of the cookie dough off her finger, “Congratulations, Hummel. You’re a real boy.”

He laughs, and the world suddenly seems so much freer. His worries about Blaine seem so inconsequential now, Blaine is his ex and if they can be friends again that’s great but what he had with Blaine is _nothing_ compared to knowing his soulmate like this, to feeling his emotions clear as day in his mind. Maybe they’re negative emotions right now, but the worry and care are mixed together and he can tell this person is _his_. His soulmate.

Now that he isn’t overwhelmed by the connection it feels like such a gift, feeling the tendril of anxiousness and worry at the back of his mind. He stands up and carefully pulls Santana into a hug. He smiles, and whispers into her hair, “Thank you, Santana.”

She just pushes at his shoulder, “Don’t mention it. No, really. Don’t mention this to anyone, Hummel!” and she takes a piping hot cookie from the oven, almost as payment, before walking into her corner of the apartment, pulling the partition closed and promptly ignoring him, 

\- 

Later that night he lies in bed and focuses on the connection between him and his soulmate again. The one that will be a constant comfort for the rest of his life. The _person_ he’s going to marry, and start a family with and who is going to be there beside him as he conquers his dreams. Not long after three the anxiety had dissipated, and relief had overwhelmed the connection so quickly that Kurt had lost control for a second and felt it like it was his own emotion again, laughing breathlessly into the air. This was followed by happiness, and excitement. Then just after five a static feeling that Kurt thought might be boredom, before a steady sleepy contentedness that Kurt still feels through the connection now. 

Every emotion feels like a gift, and Kurt feels overwhelmed by how much he wants to know the person on the end of the connection. He wonders how soon he could start searching, with a name it could be possible to find his soulmate relatively quickly - - especially with the internet. He could take time off school, maybe? They could spend the next few months together, learning each other, and he could start back at NYADA in the fall.

Kurt doesn’t think his soulmate has realized yet, so far their emotions have been relatively in sync but he concentrates on the connection and tries to send love through to him. _You were made for me, and I love you_ he thinks, _I can’t wait to meet you, see you, touch you. I can’t wait to get to know you in every way._

His wrist has been sensitive for three, maybe four days. Santana’s parents are both doctors, they had noticed her sensitivity quickly and it had taken seven days for her soul mark to appear, so he knows it’s unlikely to have appeared by tomorrow. 

Still, he settles himself in bed with his right wrist open towards him. He kisses the skin there, lightly, in case his soulmate can feel him through the mark already, and falls asleep looking at the bare skin. The last thought he has before he falls asleep is that maybe his soulmate’s name will be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes the next morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the wait, this part has been finished for a few weeks now but I've been busy with work and uni and wanted to have one full day to sit down and edit it. I have to admit I'm still not completely happy with it - this part is very introspective, a lot of Kurt thinking and people reacting to his connection coming through (and the soul mark!)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, despite the long wait :)

The next day Kurt wakes up early, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep multiple times before he finally opens his eyes. It’s the strangest feeling, like he’s harried; fingers clenched around his sheets and nerves tingling as if he should be moving and he can’t shake it. The room is still dark, sun unable to penetrate the heavy, overcast clouds, and class doesn’t start till eleven. He blinks again, eyes focusing on the inside of his right wrist and remembers. 

Kurt rolls over and smiles at his ceiling. He’s just been woken up by his soulmate, who is wide awake and whose emotions are clear at the back of his mind. He’s worried and Kurt wonders what he’s doing right now. Getting ready for work and running late? For a moment, he stares at the inside of his wrist and tries to see if there is any mark – any evidence that his soul mark might become visible today. 

It’s still pale and smooth, no sign of blemishes, but he slowly rubs his fingers over the place where the mark will appear.

“Good morning,” Kurt whispers into the chilly air, and then feels sheepish, hiding his smile by burrowing back under the covers in embarrassment. It’s not like the walls of their Bushwick apartment are soundproof. He’s not going to get back to sleep, though, not with his soulmate wide awake and busy at the back of his mind so he quietly snaps his cuff over the sensitive mark, and dresses in some comfortable clothes – jeans and boots and comfortable jumper, and over the top of it all a warm winter coat – and then he crawls out to sit on the fire escape and scrolls through his phone’s contacts until he finds his dad’s mobile number. 

He fiddles with the zipper on his coat, staring out at the bustling street below him as the phone rings until-

“Hello?”

“Dad, Hi. I hope I didn’t wake you.” Kurt smiles, because it’s pretty clear that his Dad hasn’t checked the caller ID, and sometimes he misses his father so much it _aches_ within him; it’s fun, being with Rachel and Santana and in _New York_ but there is still something that screams _home_ about that suburban house in Ohio. It probably always will, as long as his Dad’s there.

“Nah, kid. You know me, just getting ready to open the shop. You feeling better from Friday?”

“I’m great Dad – I – “ and he peters off again, not sure how to say it. He moves the zipper up and down and up and down and for a moment just sits and listens to the sound of his Dad puttering around the shop. 

His Dad makes an inquisitive sound, “Gotta say, buddy. You haven’t kept things this close to your chest for a while. You know you can talk to your old man anytime, right? I know I haven’t been the biggest supporter of your relationship with Blaine, but I’m always here to listen. You know I just want you to be happy.”

“It’s not about Blaine, Dad,” Kurt shakes his head, sniffing slightly and wrapping his arms around himself, hating how defensive he still is about their relationship. “My connection is coming through.”

There’s a moment of stunned silence down the line, where all Kurt can hear is static, and a sharp intake of breath. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, Dad. I’m sure.” He smiles, and he hears his Dad chuckle down the line in excitement.

“Kurt, I’m so happy for you. Just, gotta say that, kid. I knew it would come soon, but have to say I wasn’t expecting that when you called.” 

He can hear he happiness bubbling over in his Dad’s tone, and he touches cuff subconsciously. “I know. I guess that’s why I felt so weird on Friday, seeing Blaine.”

“He’s a good kid, Kurt. I always said that, but it’s not the same as having a soulmate.”

Kurt takes a deep breath, and says, “I think I understand that, now. Feeling his emotions, and how sensitive my soulmark is sometimes – it’s indescribable.” 

“I’m just really glad you’re getting this experience, Kurt. God, I remember when I felt your mother for the first time, I just knew she was the one, the other half of me, she was perfect; this bright bubbly presence at the back of my mind. Those years were the best of my life. You know I love Carole, but I miss your mom every day.”

“I know, Dad,” Kurt smiles at the ground, and his Dad is on a roll now, rushing through his excited spiel about connections.

“You have a Doctor up there? As soon as the name comes through it’s important to get it checked out. I know it’s uncomfortable having a stranger look at your soulmark– but it’s an important step, okay?”

“Yeah. Adam knows a good doctor that specializes in connections. I thought I’d make an appointment there for next week.”

“You let me know as soon as you know the name of my future son-in-law, okay?”

“I promise, Dad. You’ll be the first.”

They talk a little longer, about what Kurt is feeling from the connection at the moment. Then conversation turns to his mom, and how happy she would be for him, how hard it was to lose a soulmate – and how Kurt needs to spend all the time he can with him. Every moment is precious, because there is no one better for you but you don’t know how long you’ll have together. You never know what life will throw at you.

Then his Dad has to go, the first customers arriving and Kurt sits bundled up in his winter coat and stares out at the New York traffic and enjoys feeling his soulmate’s emotions and hopes his soulmate can feel how content he is right now, thinking about him, looking forward to meeting him.  


-

The sun rises slowly, obscured by heavy, foreboding clouds. Kurt watches as the buildings surrounding them slowly become more visible, and smiles to himself as he feels his soulmate’s emotions at the back of his mind, frantic for a few more minutes until eventually he settles down and that steady attentiveness returns. Kurt wonders, for a moment, if his soulmate has noticed the connection yet – and what Kurt feels like to him. Right now, he feels content – more content than he’s been for a long time. If he’s being truthful, he hasn’t felt this happy since he and Blaine broke up.

Kurt's hands are buried deep in his coat pockets, and his visible in the air with every exhale - he wouldn't be surprised if it snowed today. Although his hands and upper body are warm, the cold eventually seeps through the thin jeans he's wearing and so he gives in, turning round one last time to look at the view of New York, before climbing in through the window. The lights are on in the loft, sun still not bright enough to light the room, and he can hear the shower going and the unmistakeable (and extremely familiar) sound of Rachel going through her morning scales. Santana's curtain, the small one squeezed into the corner of the living room, is still pulled tightly shut.

A small, fond smile creeps across Kurt's face. He subconsciously pulls the sleeve of his jacket down to cover his bare left wrist and moves into the kitchen and opens the fridge door, looking for something for breakfast. 

Kurt has only just started preparing an egg-white omelet, cheese and mushrooms sliced neatly, when the groan of water pipes stops. As he dishes up his breakfast he takes off his jacket, scratching at the edge of his right cuff and stares, just for a moment, at the bare skin on his left wrist when he sits down at the counter. It still seems strange, like there's something missing, even though it's clear his connection is coming through now. He supposes after so many years of wearing two cuffs it will take a while to get used to. He barely has time to finish before Rachel pokes her head out of the bathroom. 

“Kurt, is that you?” She says, and Kurt turns to look at her and raises an eyebrow. Her hair is in rollers and she’s wearing an obnoxious fluffy pink robe. She glares as soon as she sees him, heading straight for him and holding his hands, inspecting them. 

"Rachel, what?" Kurt starts, but Rachel jokingly smacks his arm, cutting off the rest of his sentence as he rubs at the spot on his shoulder with his left hand. 

"Kurt, you’re connected! Santana told me last night, when you were already in bed!" She says, with a pointed look to his uncuffed wrist. Her lower lip juts out, just a bit, in a mimicry of a pout but edge of her mouth is curled up in the smallest smile. "I'm supposed to be your best friend."

"You were out with Brody, Rachel - and I didn't exactly tell Santana. She's the one who realized my connection was coming through." 

She smiles,”I suppose I couldn’t help you with that stage as I’m not connected yet." 

Rachel beams at him, grabbing his cuffed hand and squeezing in excitement, moving onto the balls of her feet as if she's trying to stop from jumping with excitement. "I'm really happy for you,” She says sincerely, but then her eyes brighten and her hands settle on her fluffy robe covered hips. “I honestly didn’t think you’d be connected before me, but these things happen for a reason. It will be a good chapter in my autobiography; how living with two friends and a boyfriend, all connected to their soul mate helped refine that longing emotion I’ll be known for on Broadway.” 

He laughs, “That's not - no. No autobiography yet, Rachel."

"As my best friend you get an entire paragraph. Maybe a chapter, depending on who you choose as a surrogate for your children," Rachel continues talking, ignoring Kurt's interruption.

"Not having this conversation right now!" Kurt says, picking up his plate and turning away and loading it into the dishwasher.

"I can't _believe_ I'm the last of our group," Rachel moves so she’s next to the dishwasher, ensuring she’s still in Kurt's line of sight. 

Kurt's brow furrows, “But you’re not the last of our group Rachel, none of us are even twenty yet. A few haven't even graduated - Tina is unmarked, and Artie. Blaine.”

“I meant our New York group, Kurt!” Rachel says, rolling her eyes. She takes Kurt's hands again, looking at the single cuff. "Do you have a name yet?" Her voice is breathless with wonder, and a lot of jealousy. 

Kurt shakes his head, "No, just emotions; but it felt right to take my left cuff off anyway. They’re so strong. Yesterday I couldn’t even tell our emotions apart.” 

“My dad’s told me it can be difficult at emotional times to discern between your soulmate’s emotions and your own,” Rachel says. Her dad’s tell such theatrical stories Kurt’s sure he could get multiple examples of when their house had dissolved into chaos because of the emotional connection between soulmates. He already knows a few of those stories from Rachel talking during Glee club: while waiting for Rachel to be born, opening night of her first play. The intense experience when any emotion you share is multiplied in your head, compounded by both of you feeling the same thing and sharing that feeling together until you can't focus on anything but your connection.

Kurt was too young when his mother died to have seen it firsthand, but he's sure it would have happened multiple times. He was just too young to understand. His parent's complemented each other so perfectly, his Dad the steady support for his Mom's carefree nature. He's sure their differences would have made those moments in sync even more special, or at least that's how his Dad told it. Soon he'll find out how he and his soulmate will fit together - all those moments are ahead of them. 

“Now I know what it is I'm getting more used to it." Kurt says, smiling. "I still can't believe it though, every emotion I feel from him. It's incredible."

“You’re so lucky,” She whispers into his chest, jealousy evident in her tone. He knows she’s happy for him, but she wouldn’t be Rachel if she wasn’t jealous. She pulls away slightly, and smiles up at him. “Okay, so we have to celebrate. What do you want to do? Fifth Avenue after class maybe?”

Kurt beams at her, smile almost showing teeth and eyes opening wide in delight. “We can look at single cuffs we’ll never be able to afford,” he says.

Rachel smacks his arm, moving away from him and heading in the direction of the bathroom again. “Don’t say that! Give us a few years to take Broadway by storm, Kurt Hummel, and we’ll be able to buy whatever diamond encrusted cuff we want for our other half.”

"Okay, then. After class," Kurt says. "And I'm looking forward to it." 

He spends the morning setting out the perfect outfit to go shopping in - he'll change at NYADA after his dance class and shopping with his best friend - going into Tiffany's and Dior and other designer cuff stores will be more of a treat that going out to dinner or anything like that. Kurt's determined to have the perfect outfit for his first venture into the world as a connected male, though. In the end, he decides he'll take his more comfortable clothes to change into before Dance and wears a fabulous black outfit, skinny jeans, a beautiful jacket with a red tie and his singular Dior cuff. Something that will make his bare left wrist stand out. 

He wants his classmates to _notice_ that he's no longer Kurt Hummel: unconnected.

-

Kurt tugs at his formal cuff as he walks through the entrance to the NYADA campus later that morning, making sure that it’s visible and is covering him adequately. His left wrist feels exposed, the skin pale and _obvious_ but his classmates don’t seem to be interested – eyes sliding over his bare skin like nothing has changed. It doesn’t take him long to realize they probably never noticed he was unconnected - for everyone else the past few days have been normal.

That’s the issue with going to a school full of the best performers from around the country, they’re cutthroat and self-involved. They have to be to make it in the business. 

Kurt is distracted during the day, he sketches formal cuff designs throughout his Theory of Performance class. Now that his cuff budget has doubled he should be able to buy an even nicer cuff for when he meets his soulmate – he and Rachel will start looking this afternoon and she’ll be appropriately excited about his status change – but he’d really like to make his own. Maybe he’ll talk to Isabelle next time he has a spare moment to go to Vogue.com.

Miss July yells at him during Dance because he isn’t paying attention, scratching the inside of his wrist instead of focusing on the steps. 

At lunch time, Kurt is sitting by himself again. Most of the Apples are seniors and have different schedules to the freshman, and Rachel is off with Brody. One of Rachel’s previous lackeys (it was almost sad how quickly they ditched her after Midnight Madness) approaches him and sneers. “We can all see your wrist, Hummel. You don’t need to keep touching yourself in _private_ , it’s disgraceful.”

Kurt’s eyes drop to his covered wrists, and his lip curls. “It’s sensitive, you obviously wouldn’t understand.” 

“You’re not special, everyone goes through it. You’re so sure you deserve to be here, surely you can _act_ like you have some propriety,” He says and turns back to his friends before Kurt can reply with a scathing retort. Instead he glares at the large group of friends, all pandering to one of the sophomore students this week – a pretty redhead who’s been cast as a chorus dancer for an off Broadway production. 

Kurt carefully places his hands in his lap and tries hard not to touch his right wrist. It still startles him how horribly similar NYADA can be to McKinley. He takes a deep breath before leaving the lunch room and quickly ducking into the bathroom. He smiles when he removes his cuff, just double checking for any signs of his mark coming through: Once he goes to the doctor they’ll be able to bring the sensitivity down to a more manageable level. It is more appropriate to touch your wrist in private, though, so he continues to step into one of the stalls throughout the day to remove his cuff and stare at the pale and unmarked skin. There doesn't seem to be any difference from the morning, but it doesn't hurt to keep checking. 

He wants to find out his soulmate's name as soon as he can. 

-

A few days later Kurt trudges through slushy, melting snow across the NYADA campus to the coffee shop frequented by The Apples. He keeps his left hand deep in the warm pockets of his coat, the skin is still not used to being uncovered and winter is stubbornly clinging onto the last days of February, snow falling intermittently throughout the day. Unfortunately it hasn't been heavy enough to cancel classes. His right wrist is becoming even more sensitive, he still finds himself scratching at it throughout the day. It’s hard to be subtle, especially now that he knows _why_ it's sensitive and he can imagine his soulmate touching it too - rubbing against the place where the name will soon appear.

It hasn't appeared yet, but it has to be soon. Kurt's finally broken his early habit of going to the bathroom between class to triple check whether the mark has come through or not - but it should emerge within the next few days.

He doesn’t have long to wait now. In a few days he’ll know the name of the person he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.

He pushes open the door, a gust of warm air escaping and he pulls of his gloves almost immediately. The coffee shop is quiet, it’s small and intimate and there aren’t ever too many customers inside. Today there’s one other couple in one of the corner booths, and a barista cleaning the coffee machine. It’s the sort of hole-in-the-wall classy coffee experience he and Blaine used to talk about finding together when they’d both be living here.

Adam is already sitting at a table, work laid out in front of him with a large mug of coffee to the side. Kurt goes to the counter first, watching Adam tap his pencil against the table and rubbing his hand over his beanie covered head; completely focused on the assignment in front of him. Kurt orders his medium drip in a large takeaway cup before he joins him. He takes his coat off, neatly hanging it on the back of his chair before smiling at Adam, cheeks flushed. "Hi."

Adam looks up, eyes brightening as he take Kurt in and gestures for him to take a seat. "Hello there, stranger. It's been a while."

"Sorry - I - " Kurt starts, stumbling over his words. He still feels nervous around Adam, who is so much older and more experienced despite his lack of connection. 

Adam laughs, "Don't worry about it. You've had a busy week. How was it?"

Kurt's mouth hangs open for a second (because he's sure Adam doesn't know yet, how would he _know?_ ), before he says, "What?"

"Your trip last week that was so important you had to miss Miss July's class? I think you said your teachers were getting married?" Adam says, prompting his memory. “Oh,” Kurt says, and smiles. He hasn’t seen Adam since before he went to Ohio but so much has happened back in New York that Will and Emma’s wedding seems like an age ago. He shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee and meeting Adam’s eyes over the cup. In the background the coffee machine screams as the barista froths milk for another customer. "It was fine, although that's not the most newsworthy thing that's happened this week." 

"Go on then," Adam says.

Kurt fiddles for a second, suddenly self-conscious and not sure how to bring this up around someone unmarked. Should he have mentioned it at all?

"Kurt? Is everything okay?" He asks, lilting accent laced with concern.

Kurt grimaces moving his left hand to curl around his coffee cup and he hears Adam exhale when he notices. "I'm guessing you didn't forget to put your left cuff on this morning."

As soon as Adam says it Kurt can feel a smile break across his face, and for a second focuses on his soulmate’s emotions, steady and attentive, so focused on whatever he is doing. He stares at his cup for second, fingers tapping a nervous beat against the cardboard before he takes another big sip. "My connection started to come through on Friday," he says. 

"You don't have to feel weird, Kurt. I'm happy for you. You can talk about it with me." 

Kurt bites his lip, white teeth pressing into his bottom lip and he meets Adam’s eyes for a second before he looks down at his cup again. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." 

Adam immediately reaches across to cover Kurt's left hand with his own, stopping the tap tap tap against the cup. Kurt finally looks at him, his blue eyes are wide and understanding, and he has a small smile on his face. "I promise you won’t; I'm really happy for you.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says.

“Has your mark come through yet?" His tone is genuinely interested and there is no signs of conflict in his expression, although Kurt is keenly aware of Adam’s threadbare cuff against his bare left hand.

Kurt smiles again, slowly removing his hand from beneath Adam’s and hiding his uncuffed wrist in his pocket again. He shakes his head, feeling a little more comfortable about their conversation. "No, not yet. I was hoping I could get the name of your doctor though."

"Oh sure," Adam replies. He puts his mug down, and reaches into his bag, searching around until he finds a spare piece of paper and a pen and then carefully writes something down and hands it to Kurt. In Adam’s petit handwriting is _Dr. Rose Martin M.D.Conn. (655-556-6550)_ , and Kurt carefully folds it and places it in his bag while Adam talks. "Her name is Dr. Martin, she's one of the most renowned connection specialists around - they usually try to accommodate newly connected as quickly as possible though. She does a lot of research into connections, marks and psionic levels." 

"I guess that means she has a lot of unmarked patients?" Kurt asks.

"Yes, her specialty is unusual or unmarked connections. She has the technology to detect activity without a mark, so a lot of people like me go to see if we have a soulmate - to find out if the mark might come through a bit later." 

"Do you have - " Kurt starts, before blushing. "Sorry - I shouldn't ask. It's none of my business." 

"I do. It's one of the reasons why I'm still visiting regularly - to see if she might be able to get a location on where my soulmate could be. At the moment her theory is that he's quite a bit younger than me."

Kurt blinks, "That can happen? I thought your soulmate was always close to your age?" 

"It's more common, yes, and that's what you see in the media. But that doesn't mean it's true for everyone," Adam says, and he smiles across the table at Kurt. 

"Huh," Kurt says, tapping his fingers against the table. "My boyfriend – I mean my ex. My ex-boyfriend always said something similar. He thinks we’re brought up with unrealistic expectations of our soulmates. He says society shouldn't place so much weight on them, since we understand so little about how they actually work."

Adam moves some papers to the side to create more room, "I guess you'll find out soon if you’re in the majority or not. Connections work out fine for most people."

"I know," Kurt says, before pausing. He wrings his hands together a little. "My parents, they were connected and had a great relationship."

" I hope it happens for you too, Kurt." He says, before reaching over to touch his cuffed wrist and looking into his eyes. He’s smiling almost cheekily, his beanie lopsided and wispy blond hair peeking out from underneath. "To be honest, I may have had a little fantasy where you and I became connected. I really like you Kurt." 

Kurt laughs, moving his hand so he squeezes Adam's hand once before letting go. "I like you too, but that's completely ridiculous."

"But not impossible! It's not like we're from the same city, or even state!" He protests, bringing a hand to his heart, and Kurt is momentarily distracted by his particularly threadbare jumper and vintage vest combination.

Kurt sits up in his chair and flicking at his hair, preening. "Well, that's certainly true. Sorry to destroy all your hopes and dreams, then."

"I'll forgive you someday," Adam replies, before smiling and changing the subject. "So, have you had to write the paper for Mr. Archer's class yet? I remember doing that in freshman year and swearing the teachers were conspiring against us."

-

Kurt breathes in deeply and opens his eyes and Blaine is there, leaning over him. He smiles down at him, sunlight streaming into their portion of the loft, catching on the creases of the curtain and tiny dust mites in the air. Kurt can feel how happy he is, how content he is and he can’t help but rest his hand on Blaine’s neck and let his fingers thread through the fine hair there and pull him into a deep kiss. They’re both smiling into it as it deepens, exploring each other’s mouths and laughing breathlessly at how happy they both feel and it’s never been this _right_ before he’s never felt so right.

This is what it feels like to be made for another person.

Blaine pulls back, kissing him once more, just softly before his hips start moving slow and torturous and Kurt can feel Blaine’s arousal as keenly as his own and that echo, the feedback ( _his arousal and Blaine’s arousal at his arousal and his arousal at Blaine’s arousal_ ) it just makes him harder and Kurt moans softly, tugging at his loose curls as he bucks up harder searching desperately for more friction ( _why isn’t there more friction?_ ) and it feels _so right_ to be here to be with Blaine.

Blaine kisses him, deep and wet, tongues sliding against each other, until he pulls back and Kurt pants, reaching up and following his mouth but Blaine moves, kissing down Kurt’s chest , licking across both nipples before he lifts up his right wrist and kisses wetly right where his name is and then sucks _hard_ where it’s most sensitive and thrusts down at the same time and 

And he comes, moan cutting off as he opens his eyes to a darkened room and sticky pyjamas and he breathes heavily and hopes to god that no one else is awake and briefly wishes that he and Rachel had kept searching until they found a shoebox apartment with walls because there are some things you don’t want to share with your best friends and roommates. 

It’s a little past 6am, and he doesn’t want to disturb anyone so he creeps into the bathroom and cleans up as best he can with tissues and some warm water. Then he sits on his bed and closes his eyes and tries to breathe until the leftover remnants of the dream have left his system. He can still feel the sated, content feeling through his connection and for the first time he doesn’t feel elated at the feelings seeping through. It makes him feel cold.

He just felt his soulmate and dreamt about his ex-boyfriend and there is something seriously, inherently wrong with that. His connection should be a new start; he shouldn’t still feel so attached to the boy who broke his heart.

God, what if some day, in the future he and his soulmate are talking about the weekend when their connection came through – and he’ll say, what? I was so overwhelmed by these new feelings I slept with my ex multiple times? 

He crosses his arms over his chest and tries not to cry, tries to remember that his soulmate will love him despite his mistakes. He has been with someone else, but that’s becoming a lot more common nowadays, so maybe it’s normal to have these dreams if you’ve been in a relationship before. He can’t be the only one.

Kurt breathes deeply, and turns on his bedside lamp and something catches his eye as he reaches for his cuff. Just a few smudges on his right wrist – barely noticeable but he’s been staring at his wrist for days now, waiting and hoping for something to appear – and this is it. There is a tiny dark mark, a line, where the name might begin and a few smaller smudges and it’s actually coming through.

A few more hours and he’ll know his soulmate’s name – he’ll go to his classes and come home, and when he takes his cuff off tonight he won’t just be caressing his wrist where his soulmark is – he’ll be able to see a name, sign up for sights, register for connect.com. Tonight he’ll be able to start searching. 

He turns off his lamp and forgets about the dream for a while, and tries to catch a few extra hours of sleep before he has to go to NYADA for the day. It will make the time go quicker, if he can sleep when he’s so _excited_. 

The morning is uneventful in the grand scheme of things. Rachel uses up all of the hot water again, and Santana yells at her in Spanish and then storms out in her nightgown to – somewhere? – and Kurt spend the majority of the day rubbing at the edges of his cuff. He’s worn his best Dior cuff, the same one from the wedding, because it’s an important occasion – even if it doesn’t exactly go with the casual outfit he has to wear today due to his afternoon dance class.

Kurt checks twice in the morning, ducking into the bathroom to undo his cuff and stare at the dark lines emerging on his skin. He stays in there for half an hour at 11 – staring at the line at the edge of the mark and wondering what letter it could be – it looks like an I, or it could be one side of a P or D or maybe F. David is a common name?

He’s late to his next class, and decides not to check anymore. There’s no use spending his time guessing when in a few hours he’ll know for sure, and he really doesn’t want his soulmark story to be _I first saw his name in a public bathroom_.

At lunch time he sits with Rachel and Brody and focuses on the feeling of his soulmate. He feels a little worried today, anxious – possibly about the mark – but also content. Kurt wonders what his emotions feel like to his soulmate right now, impatient, probably. It seems like it has been an age since he noticed the mark forming, early this morning, when it was really only a few hours ago. 

His soulmark becomes incredibly sensitive during his afternoon dance class and Miss July glares at him when he stands aside to rub desperately at his cuff. He doesn’t ask to go to the bathroom, he doesn’t want to find out his soulmate’s name in a public bathroom, instead he takes a deep breath and tries not to smile as he works through the complicated steps with his partner. 

He trips once at the end of the lesson when he feels a surge of emotion he can’t identify from his soulmate. Miss July continues clapping out the beat, but Kurt stays on the floor for a moment and lets his classmates move around him. He presses his hand against his ankle so his classmates think he needs a moment, and focuses on _himself_ until the turbulent feelings are a quiet murmur again, easily distinguishable from his own feelings.

On the train he practically shakes with anticipation. He has one missed call from Blaine, but he doesn’t even think about that – instead he tries to distract himself by going on facebook and when that fails he downloads the app for connect.com and starts the process of signing up. He gets one message – a rather incoherent one from Blaine that just says _pls callme_ and it strikes him as odd for a second, because Blaine is usually pedantic about proper spelling in text messages, and there has been no communication between them since last Friday and now he wants to talk? 

Kurt thought he’d understood that what happened last week was a mistake when he hadn’t replied to that last text message– but maybe the complicated New Directions gossip trail has finally led back to McKinley. It makes sense that Blaine would try to contact him if he found out Kurt was connected, Kurt knows he’d do the same if their positions were reversed. He’d want to reach out and make sure their friendship was going to be alright despite everything.

But honestly, now that he’s connected Kurt has no idea what to say to Blaine. 

-

The sun is just starting to descend when Kurt arrives home – he can see the sunset through the tiny window at the end of the hallway. His hand won’t stop shaking when he tries to put the key into the lock, metal scraping instead of clicking in. On the third try it goes in, but he twists it the wrong way and he has to take a deep breath and close his eyes and just _stop_ for a moment before he tries again in the opposite direction and then rolls open the door. Once inside he places his bag by the table, and his phone on the coffee table so he won’t be disturbed, and moves into the kitchen. 

He’s procrastinating, he knows, but it seems like such a massive moment. He’ll always remember this day – the day that he found out the name of his soulmate and started the journey to meeting him. This is the start of the rest of his life, so he takes his time. He reaches up into the cupboard and takes out a glass and carefully fills it with water, before he slowly walks to his room and sits down on his bed.

Kurt stares at his wrist again, not sure what to do from here. The obvious answer is to take off his cuff but his finger trembles against the leather and he stands up to double check his curtain is closed as tightly as possible. 

He doesn’t want to be disturbed.

He paces around his makeshift room: to his desk (where he straightens his pencils till they’re neatly aligned and his text book is perpendicular to the edge) and then to his bed and back around again. He stops in the middle of the room, clenches his fists and takes a deep breath. Like pulling off a bandaid. 

He wishes someone was home he could talk to. Rachel would rub his back while closing her eyes (so she doesn’t see any uncovered skin!) and Santana would reach for his cuff and tell him to get it done already or she’d do it for him. His Dad would make him warm milk and sit with him until he felt ready to take this next step. Blaine would - 

No. This is a _new chapter_ with his soulmate – with the man who is perfect for him in every way. He’s ready.

His shaking hands fumble on the snaps twice, but finally his cuff falls away. It hits the wooden floor hard and is almost definitely scuffed but Kurt doesn’t even notice – his wrist already facing him.

No.

 _No_.

He stares at it, unable to comprehend what he’s reading, what the delicately printed letters spell out – it doesn’t make sense – it’s _not possible_.

He’s sunk to the floor, feet tucked under him and leaning against the bed. He can’t take his eyes off his right wrist but at the back of his mind he focuses on his soulmate’s emotions again – the turbulent feelings he couldn’t understand in class – and when he focuses hard he can discern some. Worry. Guilt. _Desperation_.

From beyond the curtain he hears a strange sound, buzzing, and he’s distantly aware that it’s his phone and he knows who’s calling, can discern a tiny amount of hope in amongst the desperation, like he’s _pleading_.

Kurt stares at the mark and thinks _No_.

-

“Kurt!” Rachel yells as she comes through the door, but Kurt barely registers it. “You didn’t wait for me after class, I told you at lunch Brody cancelled our plans because he has to work tonight!”

She moves into the kitchen, filling up the tea kettle and reaching into the pantry for some honey. “Kurt? Are you home?” her voice takes a nervous edge, realizing that maybe she left Kurt at school and not the other way round. 

“I’m here, Rach.” Kurt says, carefully pocketing his cuff and encircling his right wrist with his left hand before leaving his room. 

“Perfect!” Rachel sighs, relieved. Her back is towards him, and she reaches for a cup in the cupboard. “Would you like some tea and honey? It’s always good to revitalise your voice after – “

“Rachel.” Kurt interrupts, and Rachel turns around before her eyes widen and her hands quickly come up to cover them. “I need you to do something for me.”

“Why is your wrist uncovered?!” She asks shrilly.

“I need you to tell me I’m not hallucinating,” Kurt’s voice cracks with emotion, and he exhales, breath leaving his lungs shakily. He blinks, holding back tears and there is a lump in his throat and a pain in his chest that won’t disappear.

Some of his feelings must come across because Rachel uncovers her eyes, and says, “Kurt?” unsure for a second, before her eyes dart to his wrist and she smiles, “Your soul mark?”

And he nods – suddenly remembering Blaine’s text message on the train, and oh god it is him, his high school ex-boyfriend in Ohio is his soulmate. The _dream_ last night, though, maybe he misread the mark, maybe it’s Bane or- there isn’t anything there? – maybe he’s getting sick and his soul mark isn’t coming through at all he’s still a bit young anyway next year his soul mark can come through that’s fine he doesn’t need to know yet.

He’s panicking, breath coming sharp and short so he takes a moment to breathe in and focus before closing his eyes and giving his wrist to Rachel – palm down.

Rachel’s hands are shaking, she’s careful not to touch his wrist directly as she gently turns his hand until she can see the soul mark, and he hears her gasp – a sharp intake of breath as soon as she reads the name and Kurt’s stomach drops and he opens his eyes. 

“Blaine?” Rachel smiles, teeth showing, and her hand caresses the inside of his palm. “Your soulmate is Blaine? Kurt, you _know_ your soulmate – that’s incredible – that’s not supposed to be possible!” Her eyes are bright with delight and Kurt barely has time to nod before she squeezes his hand and hugs him tight, and whispers, “You’re so lucky.”

“Lucky?” Kurt says, yanking his wrist away from her. His expression twists uncomfortably as and his hands are shaking so much it takes him two tries to get his Dior cuff back over the letters that spell out Blaine’s name. “Rachel, Blaine and I are broken up. We’re over. We’re barely even friends anymore.”

“Kurt...” She trails off, her fingers twist together and squeeze and he knows she’s forcibly stopping herself from reaching over to comfort him. Then Rachel shakes her head, a determined look on her face, “No. You’re _connected_ , Kurt. You know who your soulmate is. Your soul’s other half. You can fix this. I saw you two together at the reception-”

“and we all know what that was,” He gestures to the back of his head, where he can feel Blaine’s emotions, distinct from his own. Concern. Worry? The events of the reception make so much more sense now, accidentally brushing against each other - how he could barely concentrate on anything but Blaine and being near him again. They say reconnection makes it impossible to make rational decisions, and becomes even stronger the longer connected couples are apart. How can he and Blaine ever rebuild their friendship if they feel that constantly?

“Even if you were going through reconnection - is that so bad?”

He takes in a shaky breath, resting his head in his hands, “Of course it is Rachel. You think without it Blaine and I would have been together last week? Maybe I wouldn’t have contacted him at Thanksgiving.”

“You don’t know that,” She scoots closer. “Listen okay? There has never been any documentation about soulmates being drawn to each other before the connection.”

“Only because it’s so rare, Rachel. 7 billion people on this planet and my soul mate is him,” He says.

“Can’t you see how amazing that is? Can’t you see - the reason you and Blaine had so much trouble being apart was because you knew you would be connected soon and look!” She smiles brightly, gesturing wildly and looking at him earnestly, “You’re so lucky, so so lucky. You could go to him right now if you wanted. You know how much I wanted that - if it were me and Finn - “

“It’s not about you and Finn, Rachel!” Kurt stands up and god, when did it become so hard to breathe through his tears, he doesn’t even know when he started crying but he rubs tears away from his cheeks as he exhales shakily but really it’s more of a sob and he can feel the concern from Blaine, worry, distress, heartbreak because Blaine has the connection too and knows what he’s feeling now and can guess what he’s thinking about and it’s too much. He can’t handle feeling like this and feeling Blaine on top of everything.

“I need to go for a walk,” Kurt says, moving to his room and grabbing the first coat he sees. “I can’t sit here and second guess every second of our past relationship. It feels like everything was a lie, I just. I just want this to never have happened.”

He’s walking briskly past the couch, when Rachel whispers, barely audible over the click of his boots, “Are you going to remove him?” and it makes him stand still, ice flooding to his veins. His heart has dropped to the vicinity of his shoes and he honestly has no idea what to say.

Yes. No. _No._ “I don’t know.” He moves the cuff up, and looks at Blaine’s name, his fingers moving over the letters without him even thinking about it before he remembers that Blaine can feel that too and stops. 

It’s taboo in most cultures to even consider and the procedure is so new but then he imagines living the rest of his life feeling Blaine happy with someone else and yes. Yes. He and Blaine have had their chance and now they’re over, so he can remove Blaine’s name and get the injection and they never have to see each other again. The thought of it makes his knees weak though and he ends up sitting on the couch next to Rachel again, shaking, because in the course a few hours it’s suddenly clear to him that everything he was hoping for – a new beginning, someone perfect for him – has been completely shattered.

This morning he was planning on deferring a semester to find his soulmate and move out with him – and now he’s talking about going through a procedure to remove his soulmate from his life completely.

Remove _Blaine_ from his life completely. He has no idea what to do, but he can’t sit here and wait to feel Blaine move on, spend his life feeling Blaine happy with someone else, or miserable without him, when he has no _clue_ what to do.

Blaine was always so sure that you could be happy without your soulmate. The only time Kurt even considered the possibility was when he was with Blaine, and that’s not an option – he can’t. At this stage he’s not sure he’ll ever feel comfortable opening himself up to Blaine again. His relationship with his soulmate is over before he even knew they were in it.

He puts his elbows on his knees, and his hands on his head and stares at the floor and breathes and tries not to panic.

Rachel scoots over, closer to him, “Kurt,” she whispers, and rubs his back. It helps, she doesn’t understand, this is what she was probably hoping would happen all throughout high school – what she still dreams of despite Finn already being connected. But she is trying to help, in her own way.

The sound of the door rolling open a few minutes later is almost startling. Santana strides inside, high heels clicking on the wooden floors (and Kurt has no idea how she does an entire shift in high heels – it’s something you don’t question) and calling out as she enters, “Hey, roomies – woah.”

Kurt doesn’t look up, just closes his eyes and takes another deep breath. Rachel’s hand has stopped moving on his back and without it distracting him he can feel Blaine on the other side of their connection, worried. 

“Have I missed something?” She asks.

Rachel starts rubbing again, “Kurt is having a crisis!” 

Santana stares some more, “I can see that.” She moves so she’s perched on the table on the other side of Kurt, staring at him intently. “Kurt, what’s wrong? Is it your soul mate?”

Kurt takes in a shaky breath, staring at the wooden floorboards and not meeting her eyes. “It’s Blaine,” He whispers. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut and his hands clench into fists against his head – saying it out aloud makes it more real than even seeing the name on his wrist does.

Santana raises an eyebrow. “What has Cheesy McGelledhair done this time. Or, what? Did you find out his connection was coming through too? C’mon Kurt, you can’t honestly be upset about that.” She scoffs.

Kurt finally looks up at her, mouth agape and Rachel gasps, “You _knew_?”

He doesn’t even know what to say. Santana shrugs, crossing one leg over the other and inspecting her perfectly manicured nails. “Britt mentioned it the other day.” She raises her eyebrows, “Wait, is this really what your crisis is about? I thought you were happy about your connection, Kurt. Who cares if Anderson is getting a soulmate too.”

Kurt shakes his head, “No. It’s Blaine. My _soulmate_ is Blaine.” 

Santana scowls at him, “You’re having me on, there’s no way Blaine is your soulmate. That’s not possible.” 

“I’ve already shown Rachel, I’m not showing you too.” Kurt crosses his arms defensively.

Rachel nods, “I’ve seen it, Santana. It’s true.” 

She stares for a moment, before shaking her head. “Seriously? The universe decided that you and your high school ex-boyfriend are a perfect match? The only boy you’ve ever been with?” 

Kurt frowns, looking away and fiddling with the edge of his cuff again. Rachel gives Santana a pointed look, and rubs his back again before saying, “but it’s a good thing too, right? He knows who his soulmate is , they could be toge-“

“Oh shut it, Berry. They’re broken up, it’s not that easy.”

“Thank you,” Kurt says quietly. He feels Blaine’s nerves at the back of his mind, right before it happens. On the coffee table, right in front of them, his phone starts to vibrate. The sound is loud and buzzing in comparison to the stark silence in the room. Kurt picks up the phone so the sound stops, but then just stares at the screen until it goes to voice mail. 

Rachel stares at him, “You aren’t going to answer that?”

Kurt shakes his head, wraps his arms round his middle, and tries to block out Blaine’s quiet, sad desperation as he leaves a voice mail message.

Santana snorts. “Of course he isn’t, Berry. It’s probably Anderson, crying so many tears of gel down that phone line that all of Ohio will wake up tomorrow with their hair plastered to their heads.”

“I know it’s Blaine, Santana. It’s only natural he wants to talk to you, Kurt. You’re not alone in this, Blaine is going through it too.”

Kurt shakes his head again, still staring at the phone. “I’m not ready to talk to him, Rachel.”

“But he’s your _soulmate_ ,” Rachel protests.

Kurt stands up fast, turning around to face Rachel. “He’s not my soulmate, Rachel. He can’t be. Soulmates don’t _do_ this to each other, they don’t break up and they certainly _don’t_ betray each other by sleeping around!” He clenches the phone tight enough that his hand starts to hurt before he turns and retreats to his room and ignores the quiet argument between Santana and Rachel in favor of burrowing in his covers and pretending none of this has happened.

Today was meant to be perfect.

-

“Kurt, it’s me. Blaine. I. Could you call me back?” Blaine’s breathing hitches, like he’s trying to stop from crying, and Kurt buries his head in his pillow to escape it, tears already building and throat aching as he tries desperately not to start crying. “Please, Kurt. You must have it too? I. I’ll do anything. I just want to talk, please can we talk? Please tell me we haven’t ruined everything. No, that’s wrong – I’m sorry- tell me _I_ haven’t. I – I love you. You know I do, that was always true, I swear. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t have the right to ask anything of you but please call me back, I lo-”

He can barely see his I-phone screen through tears, but Kurt presses down on the back button until Blaine’s voice disappears. He’s sobbing like his heart is being torn out of his chest and curls up under the covers and he _aches_ with despair because he can feel Blaine’s guilt and sadness at the back of his mind, mirroring his despair in response to his own emotions, and the feedback _hurts_ because he doesn’t know that Blaine loves him. He can’t trust anything about their relationship anymore. Was any of it real? Would Blaine have even transferred to McKinley without their connection? Would he have had that crush on Blaine for so long - _God_ , would he even have stopped Blaine on that staircase without it?

For the first time he wishes he never went to Dalton, never stopped that sweet boy with the big brown eyes on the grandiose staircase, never felt his breath leave him in delight as that boy took his hand and pulled him through hallways and serenaded him in the senior commons in front of a room full of private school boys. 

He cries harder, not wanting to think those things because he doesn’t regret the time he spent with Blaine, but still a part of him wishes he was staring at the name Blaine Anderson right now with breathless wonder, imagining his likes and dislikes, his personality and his appearance and looking forward to meeting him with all his heart. 

The phone starts vibrating again, and he can feel Blaine in the back of his mind desperate and guilty and afraid. He reaches for it and fumbles for a moment, staring at the screen until he can make out [Blaine Anderson] through his tears. Hands shaking, he locates the button on the top of the phone, and presses down until the screen goes dark and the vibrating stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for every hit, kudos & comment on the last part <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the comments and kudos, I really appreciate it! I’m sorry about the long wait. I'm a bit worried about this part, still not really sure about it. There is a long doctor’s scene, with a brief description of needles, and a few scenes where Kurt is trying to figure out what he’s feeling, before the slow build back together begins :) Minor spoilers for Girls (and Boys) on Film, and flirtatious Adam/Kurt.

Kurt shifts in the waiting room chair, trying to find a comfortable position against the hard plastic. He flicks through an old Vogue magazine, but catches himself looking up when someone enters the doctor’s office or staring at the clock and simply watching the seconds pass by. It’s not holding his interest; he read this issue religiously when it first came out, lying on his old bed next to Blaine as they pointed out their favorite pieces and put together outfits to wear when they moved to New York. 

Instead he shifts again, crossing his legs and looking around. The doctor’s office is full of people waiting, all of them newly connected, nervously touching their cuffed wrist and trying to contain their excitement. One girl can’t sit down, instead she stands in the corner rocking on the balls of her feet and rubbing underneath her cuffed wrist with such vigor that Kurt averts his eyes. It’s strange to think that every person packed into the tiny, fluorescent lit waiting room is going through the same thing. 

He feels a little less alone. 

“Kurt Hummel?” Adam’s doctor calls out his name. She’s short, with smooth dark skin and long hair pulled into an elaborate bun. “Follow me.” She smiles, and leads him to her consultation room - a small space with one large window that fills the room with natural light and gives them a view of the bustling New York streets far below them.

“Hello, Kurt. It’s nice to meet you. I have it written down that you’re here for an emergence consultation?” 

”I- yes.” Kurt touches underneath his right cuff, before he stills. He can feel pressure against the skin, pressure that isn’t from his own fingers, and knows that Blaine is touching his soul mark too and he feels off kilter already. “It’s nice to meet you too, Dr. Martin.” 

“None of that, Kurt, you can call me Rose. I want us to be completely comfortable in this room, okay?” Rose says, her warm brown eyes full of kindness. “I know it’s a hard to bare your soul mark for anyone, but it’s an important step to ensure everything is alright. We’ll have at least two emergence consultations, and another two following physical connection so we’ll be getting to know each other quite well over the next few years.” 

Kurt nods, hands clenching in his lap. He realizes he actually has very little understanding about what emergence entails. All he can remember from McKinley’s subpar connection education is the tiny “Introductory Guide to Connections” handed out freshman year and a government employee talking to them for an hour about the importance of waiting for your soulmate. 

Mostly he remembers being bored and flicking through the book and not listening. At that stage it seemed completely pointless - the possibility of being with someone other than his soulmate hadn’t entered his mind. 

Of course he also remembers that evening, not long after he’d met Blaine, when his Dad sat him down and handed him pamphlets and said, “Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter, Kurt.” and talked about how different everything will be when he’s connected, how much sex will mean when it’s with his soulmate. 

He had mattered to Blaine though, until Blaine had cheated on him. 

“I just have a few questions for you to begin with, Kurt, if that’s alright?” Rose says, bringing up something on the computer. 

“Of course.” 

“What day did complete connection occur – that would mean emotions and soul mark?” 

Kurt glances at the desk calendar that announces todays date to be _Monday 25th February_. “Three days ago, on Friday. It was sometime in the afternoon – I was in class.” 

Rose smiles at him and quickly types something into the computer. “And when did you notice the connection coming through?” 

Kurt breathes in deeply; it’s easier to talk about when broken down like this. “I realized I could feel his emotions on Monday the 18th but I think my soul mark was sensitive from the Thursday before that or earlier.” 

She moves the mouse and types something in again, clicking a few times before she looks up again. “That’s great, Kurt. The time frame for your emergence is completely normal. How have you been finding your psionic connection, have you been overwhelmed at all?” 

“I – yes.” 

Rose touches his hands gently. “I’m sorry, Kurt. I know it’s hard but I’m going to need more detail. Do you have any specific examples?” 

Kurt focuses on the M.D certificate on her wall and takes a deep breath. “On Monday it was hard to sort out our emotions. Over the weekend it was hard to concentrate on anything at all, we were both -” and he trails off, not sure how to explain how upset and scared they both were and how that feeling was so overwhelming – knowing that Blaine could feel how upset he was and feeling Blaine upset because he was upset and scared and anxious. He has no idea if he got out of bed on Saturday at all. 

She types something down, before asking, “This continued all weekend?” and Kurt nods in response, glad she didn’t push for more information – how do you even start explaining that you spent the weekend after you were connected crying in bed? 

“That’s alright, Kurt. It’s easy for those feelings to overwhelm you during and immediately after emergence, your body still isn’t used to the connection. It isn’t usually so drawn out though, we have a shot that should help you cope with the high levels of psionic activity until the levels average out.” 

“Tha – that sounds good,” Kurt says. He can feel Blaine at the back of his mind still distracted and _sad_ and anything that can stop them from crying in bed all weekend would be a positive step right now. 

“Alright, we’ll get that done today for you. Now, there are a number of things to look out for in these stages of the connection. Any abnormal feelings coming through can be evidence of your soul mate experiencing a serious illness that could negatively affect your health, which is the priority here.” 

“What do you mean by abnormal feelings?” 

“You should have a constant connection to your soulmate, and be able to feel his emotions at all times. If there is any dulling of the connection, or pain, that could be evidence that your soulmate is sick and the pain is leaking through and could cause similar symptoms in you if left untreated. It is rare, but in some cases it is best to remove the soul mark. In this day and age it would be possible to still find your soulmate with an orientation and name.” Rose says, looking at him seriously. 

Kurt sits and isn’t sure what to say because of course it’s assumed that he doesn’t know who his soulmate is, he’s never heard of anyone else in this position before. 

Rose mistakes his silence for shock, and smiles kindly – reassuring him. “It’s very rare for this to happen, Kurt, but is important information for you to know and you must contact a connection specialist immediately if you feel anything like that. You and your soulmate should look out for symptoms like that for the rest of your lives.” 

“I – yes. Okay.” He says, and he still can’t maintain eye contact because he doesn’t want to think about _the rest of your lives_ when he doesn’t even know if he can forgive Blaine. The fact that he knows his soulmate is something he should mention but he has no idea how. 

“Okay, Kurt. Now, I just need to inspect your soul mark and take note of the psionic levels and give you your shot. Just remove your cuff in your own time; a lot of people are nervous about this part.” 

Kurt’s hand shakes as he undoes the cuff, but not for the reason his doctor suspects. He places his cuff to the side and immediately his eyes are drawn to the dark letters that spell out Blaine’s name. He hasn’t seen his soul mark since he removed his cuff to show Rachel and his heart pounds, seeing it again. 

Rose is completely professional and doesn’t linger too long on the sensitive edges of the letters, just presses around them and notes down reactions on her computer. After a minute, she pulls out a device that will read psionic levels, and holds it close to his wrist before pressing a button. She waits until it makes a beeping noise, types in the result, and then smiles at him. 

“You can put your cuff back on now, Kurt.” She says, “Your levels are perfect, everything seems in order. Just roll up your sleeve and I’ll give you your shot.” 

A locked cupboard contains the vial and needle, and Rose talks as she gets it ready. “You don’t have to worry, the shot won’t dampen your connection at all, simply strengthen your body’s natural ability to function with high levels of psionic activity.” 

“Okay,” Kurt replies, wincing slightly as she does the procedure, and looks away. It is finished in a second, though, inserted into his upper right arm and then immediately covered with a small round band aid. 

“Now for the most exciting part of the consultation,” She says, and moves to the other side of the room, straightening her blouse slightly after she reaches for another complicated looking device that seems to be charging on one of the top shelves. “We use this device to orient the psionic connection. Basically, it will give you a general direction for where your soul mate lives.” 

Kurt’s face falls, “Oh,” he says, crossing his arms and hugging himself. “No. I won’t need that.” 

She walks around him, pressing something on the device to turn it on. “I know with facebook and other social networking sites people your age feel they can find their soulmate easily but you have to remember that there might be many Blaine Andersons living in the world, or your soulmate might have a different preferred name. It’s recommended that we orient your mark during every consultation.” 

Kurt crosses his arms across his chest, unsettled by the fact she used Blaine’s name so frankly. He shakes his head, “No, I already know him.” 

“You mean you’ve met him already?” 

“He’s my ex-boyfriend. We haven’t talked since our marks emerged but he’s been trying to contact me and it’s pretty clear we’ve both got each other’s name.” Kurt says, and she blinks and her eyebrows furrow, and he continues. “I know I should have said something, I just wasn’t sure how-”

Rose interrupts him, gesturing for him not to worry by waving her hand in the air. She puts the device to one side. “That’s fine, Kurt. It is quite an unusual situation, but there are theories that would suggest it’s not that rare.”

“Really.” Kurt says, disbelievingly.

She smiles, “Really. I did research during my doctorate on soulmates who live in the same area. Our ancestors didn’t have the same access to travel as we do now, so soulmates often come from the same state, or even suburb. Of course, now it’s rare for someone to still be living in those areas when they meet their soulmate, but it’s not unthinkable that it could happen. The media likes to romanticise the idea of finding someone in a different state or continent.” 

”That – that makes sense,” Kurt says, and he fiddles with the scraggly edges of his cuff again, before shrugging. “It doesn’t help though.”

“I can understand it’s a difficult situation, Kurt. If you have any concerns or questions, I’m here to help,” She says, she looks at him kindly and the corner of her mouth is curled up in a sympathetic smile. 

Kurt clenches his hands. “I don’t know, it feels like it changes our whole relationship. What kind of connected couple falls apart like that?” He looks up at the ceiling, face heating. “Was that why we were drawn together in the first place?” 

“It’s hard to say what effect your connection has had, Kurt. It depends on the circumstances. Retrospective studies show that connected couples can be drawn closer to each other during emergence. When did you two meet?” 

Kurt’s hands shake and he presses against his right cuff again, hard. The thought that Blaine cheated on him while they were connected terrifies him, makes him feel sick with grief for the boy he loved – because if they were connected and Blaine did _that_ how can he ever forgive him? 

He closes his eyes and draws in a shaky breath and remembers that day when he snuck into Dalton and saw Blaine for the first time. Walking down the elaborate stairs and running into a confident young boy with slicked back hair and wide, honest brown eyes. The thrill of being serenaded in an all-boys school before he even considered being with someone who wasn’t his soulmate, of realizing that it was possible for him to have all those rebellious teenage experiences as well. 

The corner of his mouth tilts up into a tiny smile, and he looks down at his cuff covered wrist. “In my junior year, I had just turned seventeen and he was sixteen. We broke up in October.” 

“And when did you last see each other?” 

“We saw each other for the first time since the break-up last week, at a wedding. Last Thursday. We’d talked a few times over the phone before that, though.” Kurt looks down at his lap again. 

Rose smiles at him, and touches his hand, and he reluctantly meets her eyes. “Kurt, it’s important to remember that you cannot be connected before you reach psionic maturity. The last time you met you would have been drawn together because of emergence - you would have had trouble focusing on anything but him, I’m sure. You mentioned Blaine is younger than you, which is important. You would have reached your maturity before him, and your connection would have been slowly growing since he reached his. Scientific studies have proven that you aren’t affected by your connection until it grows strong enough, usually around a month before emergence. The very earliest you may have been affected by your connection is January.” 

“January,” Kurt says, and relief rushes through his veins so quickly he almost feels lightheaded. January. Not October, when Blaine cheated on him – not November, when he called Blaine and they started talking again. January. It doesn’t fix everything, but it’s a start. 

“Yes,” Rose says. “Is anything else bothering you, Kurt?” 

“When I saw him that Thursday it was like I had no control of my reactions around him, we couldn’t stop touching – that was reconnection?” 

“Yes, you would have been experiencing the enhanced connection symptoms that most soulmates go through when they first meet. It’s a natural part of emergence, Kurt, an evolutionary instinct that’s meant to cement the soulmate bond when you first meet, and also after long periods apart.” 

“So it will happen whenever we meet from now on,” Kurt says. Of course he knows about reconnection, about feeling compelled to be alone with your soulmate when you first meet. He thought it would make sense once he was connected, because don’t you know your soulmate better than anyone as soon as your connected? The thought of losing control like that makes him feel uncomfortable though, no matter how natural. 

Rose nods. “At this stage it’s unlikely you’d be able to control it. Many soulmates learn to enjoy those periods of reconnection, but I can understand that this is more complicated for you than that.” 

“I just want to be able to _talk_ without all of… that,” He says. Rose turns to her computer and types a few things in. He starts again, tentatively. “One of my teachers at school was able to block the connection, and marry someone else.” 

Rose stops what she was doing at the computer to look at him more carefully, “There are ways to completely remove your connection and soul mark, Kurt, but that’s a very serious decision.” 

Kurt shakes his head, “No – I mean, I know that you can remove your connection completely, but my teacher was able to take medicine to block the connection while married to someone else but when they broke up and he found his soulmate again their connection was alright.” 

“That medication does exist as well but it is still a big decision, Kurt. Many pharmacists refuse to stock the drugs and some doctors won’t prescribe them.” 

“I know it’s a big decision, but Blaine and I can’t do anything if we can’t talk rationally and try to mend our friendship. This is the right thing to do.” 

Rose nods, quickly typing something into the computer and printing it out. “This is the best and safest drug for short term dampening of connections, Kurt. It can’t just be you though, you have to discuss this with your soulmate and make sure he has the same prescription. It’s the only way it will work properly.” 

Kurt nods solemnly, hand shaking as he takes the prescription from her. “Blaine lives in Ohio, though. What are the chances that his Doctor will give him this prescription?” 

“Call me once you’ve talked to each other and come to a decision, and I’ll email his Doctor with the recommendation, okay?” She smiles at Kurt, as he leans back in his chair, relieved. “I’ll also need to see you regularly while you’re taking the medication to monitor your psionic activity so we can be sure there are no adverse side effects to your connection. If all goes well your connection will return to normal once you are off the medication.” 

Kurt closes his eyes and he knows that Blaine can feel his relief, can feel his confusion and gentle hopefulness at the back of his mind. It’s only been a little over a week that he’s been able to feel Blaine’s emotions and despite how turbulent that week has been he’s already so used to it – it will be strange to live without those feelings again. He smiles sincerely, “Thankyou, Rose.” 

“It’ll all be okay, Kurt.” 

-

Kurt pulls on his coat and a warm hat before he exits the doctor’s office and heads out into the cold weather. Little flurries of snow have started falling as he makes his way to the train station, and he rubs his gloved hands together in an attempt to keep warm. 

He keeps touching his pocket as he walks, making sure the small prescription is still in there, neatly folded, and tries not to think about the fact that he has to call Blaine before he starts taking them. He doesn’t want to lose Blaine, he wants to try but it’s so complicated – how will he and Blaine be able to mend their friendship without talking? He misses the friendship they used to have, so taking this medication is a necessary step to try and get back to where they were. 

They can’t do that without being able to sit down and _communicate_ and it’s been so long since they’ve spoken honestly with each other. They have to try. 

He pulls out his i-phone and listens to the Wicked soundtrack on the train and tries to distract himself from the thought of calling Blaine and talking to him again. He’s just repeated _For Good_ for the third time when he makes his way up the stairs to the loft.

“Your Dad called me again, Kurt!” Rachel yells at him as soon as she hears Kurt roll the door open and place his keys in the little bowl next to the door. She opens the curtain surrounding her bedroom with a flourish and stands there with her hands on her hips – eyeliner half done and hair pulled into a ponytail. “Next time I’m telling him about Blaine!” 

Kurt rolls his eyes, “Thanks, Rachel.” 

She transforms almost immediately when she hears his terse tone, her eyes soften sympathetically and her hands rest by her sides instead of on her hips. “How was the appointment?” 

Kurt sits down on the soft, pulling out his phone to distract himself. “It was fine. My doctor was very helpful.” 

“Is everything going to be okay?” She asks, sitting beside him. 

“I don’t know, Rach. She gave me a prescription – “

“Kurt, what – no!” 

Kurt shakes his head, “Not to block the connection permanently, just so we can talk. I think I want to talk to him.” 

“Oh,“ Rachel smiles tentatively. “That’s good, right?” 

“I – I think so. I know you don’t understand, Rachel, but Blaine and I need to work at being friends again before anything else. This will help with that.” Kurt says, clenching his phone in his hand. 

Rachel touches his shoulder gently until Kurt meets her eyes, “I know, Kurt. I just want you to be happy.” 

His phone vibrates in his hand and Kurt looks down to read: _appt was today Kurt call me!_ He sighs, “It’s my Dad again. I really should call him.” 

“Kurt. If you – if you want to talk, I’m here okay?” 

Kurt shakes his head, “I know what you think, Rachel.” 

Rachel looks hurt, “Kurt, you’re my best friend. If you want someone to listen I can do that too.” 

He squeezes her hand, before pulling her into a hug, and murmurs into her hair, “Thanks.” 

Rachel sighs and squeezes his hand back, before she stands up, “Okay, you have a phone call to make. I’ll be in the bathroom, I have to finish getting ready and you know it has the best acoustics for my second warm ups.” 

He smiles after her for a second, before taking a deep breath and looking back at his phone. He scrolls through his contacts and presses call. 

“Kurt?” 

“Hi, Dad.” 

“Thought I was going to be the first person you called.” Burt says, and he sounds so hurt and so genuinely worried that all Kurt can do is swallow around the lump in his throat and try not to start crying again. The pause doesn’t help his Dad though. “Kurt? Is everything alright? Do you need me to come down there, because I can, look I’m walking to the internet right now, Carole showed me how to book a flight at Christmas it’s really easy – I could be there tonight!” 

“No – Dad, it’s fine. Everything is going to be fine.” 

His Dad has always been able to pick up on what he isn’t saying though. “Everything’s not alright now though. What’s wrong, Kurt?” 

“No Dad, nothing’s wrong. Not really. It’s just unexpected. It’s been a tough few days,” Kurt tries to placate his Dad but he knows he can’t put off telling him, but it’s so hard to talk to his Dad about Blaine and he has no idea how to start. 

“Is it your soul mark, Kurt? Is there something wrong?” His voice has gone quiet, and gruff and Kurt can hear a sound on the other line – like his Dad is taking off his cap and rubbing at his bald head. 

“My connection is perfect, Dad. No abnormalities, the Doctor said I experienced a completely normal emergence,” He says quietly. 

“Then – “

“It’s Blaine, Dad.” Kurt interrupts. 

“What does Blaine have to do with this? Kurt, you’re connected now. I know you’re trying to be friends but, god. Don’t scare me like that.”

“No, Dad. My soulmate is Blaine.” Kurt repeats, and it still doesn’t sound real – no matter how many times he says it. 

There is complete silence on the other end of the phone, until – “That’s not possible.” 

“He’s got me too,” He whispers. 

“It’s not possible,” Burt repeats, and Kurt hears him stand up, stomping down the line and thinks about how ill his Dad is right now with his chemotherapy treatment and feels sick to his stomach. 

“Please don’t get upset, Dad. You’re not well.” 

“It ain’t right, kid. Something doesn’t add up with this, these things don’t happen.” His voice is gruff and angry and Kurt runs a hand through his hair. 

“The doctor says that soulmates are often from the same town, weren’t you and mom born in the same area? You always said it was a coincidence - proof that you were perfect for each other - but maybe it wasn’t a coincidence.” 

He can hear rustling on the other end of the line, and his Dad breathes out slowly. “You’re sure, kid? You’ve spoken to him?” 

“No, but he called me a few times and Santana heard from Brittany that he wasn’t at school today. Dad – “ Kurt exhales shakily, trying to get his feelings under control. He hates that he can hear the anger and disappointment in his Dad’s voice and that he’s causing him more stress. His hand clenches tightly around the phone and he really wishes he was sitting with his Dad right now so they could talk properly. 

“God, Kurt. You don’t connect with someone you already know. It’s not possible, it’s not, not meant to be possible. It ain’t right, it’s another Blaine Anderson maybe – it’s not that strange a name.” 

“Dad, no. It’s not, it’s him – I know it is I can _feel_ him,” Kurt says and he’s crying now, breath hitching as he tries to get the words out. 

“Kurt – no. Don’t cry, it’ll be okay. I’m your Father - I just want you to be happy,” 

“Dad-” Kurt says. He rubs the tears from his face almost angrily, feels like he’s been crying about this for days, and he’s over that. He’s done crying about it. 

“I’m sorry. I just, I just I wanted more for you than this, than some kid you broke up with when he was in _high school_.”

“Dad – don’t. Don’t say that.” He doesn’t know how he ends up defending Blaine in every conversation with his Dad. 

“I just want you to be _happy_ , Kurt. It never sat right with me, what you two were doing and how serious you were. I guess now we know why you were.” Burt chuckles almost self-deprecatingly. Kurt knows he’s thinking of all the times he told Kurt that he and Blaine shouldn’t be together, not in love at least, not promising each other forever when there were soulmates to think of. 

“Not really. Apparently we wouldn’t have been affected by our connection until earlier this year.” Kurt says, and pauses. The sound of scales starts from the bathroom and he looks at the closed door. His face feels sensitive, blotchy from crying. He’ll have to go through his facial routine twice tonight. Again. 

“Just well suited to each other, then.” 

“We were. Not anymore,” Kurt says, bluntly. He takes a deep breath, looking out the loft window. Snow is falling steadily and has been for a while now, and all he wants to do is curl up under his covers with a mug of warm milk and forget about everything.

Burt breaks the silence. “What are you going to do, Kurt? I can come for a visit – it’d be good.” 

Kurt smiles, “No, Dad. You’ve got your appointments, you can’t miss them. Look after yourself, I’ll be fine. Blaine and I willl talk and see if we can be friends again. There could be worse things than being connected to an old friend.” 

“Kurt, he was a lot more to you than a friend, and he hurt you real bad.” 

“I know he did, but I hurt him too, and if we can move past that and be friends again, well. I really wanted that before we were connected and I think I’d still like that.” 

“It won’t be easy, Kurt.” Burt says, before laughing. “But I’ve never known you to take the easy way out. You call me whenever you like, okay? I’m here whenever you need to talk.” 

“Thanks, Dad.” 

“Bye, Kurt. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Kurt hangs up and places his phone on the coffee table and sits for a while, listening to Rachel’s vocal warm ups. The conversation went better than he’d thought it would. Kurt remembers the first time he brought Blaine home after they’d got together. They’d sat at the table and he’d squirmed in his seat as his Dad had looked between them, unsure of what to say.

Eventually his eyes had rested and Blaine and he’d said, “You’re really doing this, huh?” and Blaine had replied, earnestly, “Sir, I really believe that society places too much importance on the idea of soulmates. Teenagers should be able to discover love for themselves and I really like your son. I just want to spend as much time with him as possible.”

After that his Dad had been completely bewildered and hadn’t known how to reply. Instead he’d frowned at Kurt over the dinner table, concerned. Kurt had blushed and nudged Blaine with his foot and when Blaine nudged back he hadn’t been able to contain his smile. His heart had thumped in his chest so loudly he thought everyone at the table would be able to hear it. Even his Dad’s concern hadn’t been able to dampen his good mood . He had been so happy that night, beaming at Blaine when they kissed softly goodbye. 

For a moment he indulges, imagines what it would have been like if he and Blaine had become connected before he moved to New York, before their relationship turned into ignored phone calls and infidelity. 

-

Kurt wakes up the next day and feels like he has barely slept at all, and walks to the bathroom with his eyes half closed and hands fumbling against their curtained walls. He goes through his facial routine twice and brushes his teeth before he pulls on clean jeans and a hoodie and moves into the kitchen.

Brody is sitting at the table eating a bowl of Cap’n Crunch and wearing what has to be milk-stained briefs. “G’mornin-“ he says, mouth full and Kurt raises his eyebrow.

He walks around the table and into the kitchen and starts putting out what he needs for an egg white omelet onto their wooden kitchen bench. The house is full of sounds, Santana is sitting on her couch bed and speaking rapidly in Spanish into the phone and Rachel is doing vocal runs in her bedroom and he can feel Blaine, bleary and tired, at the back of his mind – going through his morning routine, maybe.

It’s the sound of a full house and the feeling of Blaine getting ready for school that makes him decide to go to class today. So he quickly makes his omelet and glares across the table at Brody as he eats, before making his way out the door.

The weather is bitterly cold and icy slush seeps through his jeans as he walks across the quad to his musicianship class. He tries to think of anything but Blaine, his soulmate who cheated on him, and tries to forget that he has to call him. Blaine is ever present though, sad steady determination seeping through their connection as he goes back to school, that static feeling Kurt has realized is boredom as he sits in class. Despite his best efforts, Kurt spends most of the day thinking about Blaine.

In Music Theory his teacher hands outs exercises for them to complete and his remains stubbornly blank. He tries to concentrate on the rhythms but instead stares into the distance while he picks at his right cuff. He can hear other people scribbling, and knows the person next to him asked a question but in the end folds up his completely blank worksheet to take home.

Afterwards Kurt has an hour for lunch but his stomach turns at the thought of food. Instead, he finds an empty dance room – it’s small and smells vaguely of stale sweat and the one tiny window is positioned to let the least amount of light in possible. He flicks the light switch on, an obtrusive fluorescent light that hums, and he closes the door. He sits down and stretches his legs out and reaching for his toes until his muscles ache, and tries to get his mind around everything. 

Kurt knows that he and Blaine were going through reconnection when they met two weeks ago, he remembers. He’d touched his wrist and felt drawn to him, like every moment separated was torture, and when he’d kissed him he’d felt addicted to the taste of Blaine’s skin and the feel of him inside him and surrounding him and- 

\- and afterwards, when they had some separation, he’d felt terrible. He had felt confused. He didn’t want to go through that again. 

If they met again without the medication, they’d go through that again, they’d go through reconnection and eventually it would settle. Eventually they would be like any other connected couple – drawn together but manageable. Only, Kurt isn’t sure he wants that with Blaine anymore. He knows Blaine is sorry but he’s not sure he’s capable of trusting him again.

Before last Thursday, though, they’d promised to be friends again and Kurt knows he misses that. He misses his best friend, the boy he could call to hate-watch trashy reality television shows with and complain about the routine Miss July had tried to teach them the day before. The boy he could skype with and work through song choices with. It would be so nice to have that with Blaine again. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to eventually be able to feel his best friend’s laughter like it was his own when they were talking. 

Only, to do that and not be together they’d have to take the medication – make sure they were taking them for the next few months until they could talk without reconnection symptoms and rebuild their friendships and then, maybe, drop down to only if they were going to see each other. 

He stands up, holding onto the barre and thinks that maybe, it wouldn’t be the worst thing. If they can rebuild their friendship, and Kurt doesn’t think they can be together like that again, well - Blaine had always thought you should be able to find someone who wasn’t your soulmate, so this really could be the best outcome - connected to your best friend but free to find someone else.

Kurt knows, logically, people can be happy with someone other than their soulmates. He and Blaine were planning on it, but when they broke up he started thinking about being with his soulmate again. He’d latched onto it as something positive to come out of their break up, but look at his dad and Carole. It was possible.

He reaches forward, trying to touch his toes, until he feels the stretch at the back of his thighs. He breathes in deeply and tries to ignore the stinging sensation behind his eyes.

-

The weather has only worsened that afternoon as he heads across campus to the train station, clouds dark and heavy in the sky. Kurt has a text from Rachel saying she’s staying late with Brody, so he sighs and quickens his pace, rubbing his hands together, his fingers cold where they peek out from his fingerless gloves. 

“Hey, Kurt! Wait up!” 

Kurt turns around at the sound of Adam’s voice and sees him hurrying after him – pushing through the other students who are heading home. 

“Adam, Hi.” Kurt smiles, reaching up with one finger to fiddle along his bag strap. 

Adam smiles and shakes his head. The weather is the coldest it has been all winter, but for once his hair isn’t covered by a beanie and falls shaggily into his eyes. “You stood me up earlier for our regular study meet up.” 

Kurt fingers clench around his bag strap, and suddenly he remembers. “Oh god, I’m sorry – it’s been.” He pauses, not wanting to complain about his connection to someone who doesn’t have one. “It’s been a hectic week.” 

”That sounds like a story,” Adam says, and nudges Kurt with his elbow and smirks, “You can make it up to me by letting me walk you to the train station.” 

“That’s acceptable, I suppose,” Kurt says, and he feels a smile creep its way onto his face. Adams eyes on him makes his cheeks flush and his heart race. He’s always been flustered by flirtatious attention and Adam is so kind and mature.

“Great!” Adam says, and they start walking, pushing their way through the crowds of students on their way home. Kurt fiddles with his bag strap again and his smile fades.

“Is everything okay?” Adam asks. 

Kurt shrugs, looking away. “Not really.” 

“Is it your connection?” Adam asks. 

“It’s my ex-boyfriend.” Kurt says, and he doesn’t really feel like explaining again. It’s only been a few days and he’s already sick of explaining. 

“The one in Ohio? Is he visiting?” Adam asks, curious. 

Kurt shakes his head, “No, I mean. I’m connected to my ex-boyfriend.” 

“Oh,” Adam says, and he seems stunned and they walk in silence for a moment in the direction of the Kurt’s platform. Adam is sweet and Kurt likes him, but he wouldn’t know what to say either. “I’m sorry, Kurt.”

Kurt looks away, “It - it could be worse.” 

“You don’t have to lie to me, Kurt, just because I’m unmarked. I understand being connected to your ex of all people can’t be a dream come true.” Adam says. 

“We were going to try to be friends again, but – “ Kurt starts to say, but it’s hard to finish any of his sentences. It’s hard to get his head around what he and Blaine are now. 

They reach the stairs that lead to the train station and pause at the top of them, forcing New York commuters to glare and walk around them. Adam smiles at Kurt. “We’ll have a movie night, alright? Take your mind of everything, get you dreaming again! The best soulmate movies of all time.” 

“And this will make me feel better?” Kurt says, disbelievingly, looking at Adam with a raised eyebrow.

“Guaranteed,” Adam smiles. One person walks past and hits Kurt on the side with his briefcase, in a rush to make the train, and Kurt turns to glare at his back as Adam laughs. He shakes his head, smiling fondly at Adam, and reaches up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Was that a yes?” Adam asks, one hand running nervously through his hair. 

Kurt smiles, “Only if I get to pick the movie.” 

“Agreed.” 

Adam touches the back of Kurt’s hand, just softly, and Kurt feels nerves flutter in the pit of his stomach, and Blaine at the back of his mind, confused. “You’ll come to the loft tomorrow evening then?”

”Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Adam replies.

-

The next day there’s a weather warning and snow is falling heavily outside, and classes have been cancelled for the rest of the week due to the storm. Kurt only lasts a few hours stuck in the loft with a snarly Santana and distracted Rachel for company before he sends a quick text to Adam _come early?_. 

Blaine doesn’t feel as sad today, he can feel that easy confidence that he noticed last week, before their soul mark emerged. He touches his phone, briefly, and brings Blaine’s name up on the screen. The last text in their conversation is a simple _Please callme whenever youre ready_ and for a moment, Kurt wants to text him. To find out what he’s doing, what has him distracted so that Kurt can feel him enjoying himself for the first time since Friday, and his fingers hover over the key board before he swipes it locked again and puts it down. It takes Adam over an hour to get to the loft, trains unreliable and snow falling heavier by the minute, and Kurt goes back to his phone multiple times but never quite gets the confidence up to call him. Blaine is at school, anyway. It’s not the right time. 

There is a knock on the door, and Kurt rolls it open and Adam’s wearing two snow covered beanies that his blond hair is barely peeking out from under and one of those enormous puffy coats and Kurt leans back against the door and laughs. “What?” Adam protests in that lilting accent of his.. “If you haven’t noticed it is pretty cold outside.” 

Kurt cranks the heating up as high as it will go, and Adam takes off his beanies and ridiculous coat. He has the oven on and all the ingredients ready to make cookies, and they tease each other as they mix the batter by hand. Rachel emerges, drawn out by the smell of vegan baked goods that permeates the loft. He can still feel Blaine, focused and determined, and when they sit down to eat the warm cookies he briefly takes out his phone and runs his fingers over the touch screen again. He wants to know what Blaine is doing and maybe once they’ve talked – maybe then he’ll be able to text him at times like this and learn what each emotion means.

Rachel leaves for the bathroom again, and Adam starts doing impressions of famous British characters as he spoons out batter for their second batch of cookies and Kurt can’t stop laughing, encouraging him to try another character.

Santana moves from where she’s standing by the window and raises an eyebrow as she looks between them. “Are you two dating?”

Kurt bristles visibly, arms crossing his chest defensively, “No – what – “ and it’s then he realizes that he hasn’t even thought about Blaine for the last few minutes. His feelings have faded into the background as he and Adam talk and his face flushes.

Santana smirks at him, “I’m just saying, I thought you would have talked to him before moving on.“ 

Kurt scowls. “Leave it Santana, no one’s dating anyone.”

”I honestly don’t care, as long as you keep baking,” Santana says, and grabs a cookie from where they are cooling on the bench.

Adam looks between them, eyes wide and bewildered and Kurt shakes his head. “Ignore her.” 

Rachel emerges from the bathroom, arms crossed against her chest. Kurt glances at her, and smiles, “Okay, let’s cozy up to our little movie marathon. Santana, did you go through our DVD collection?”

Santana’s smile is almost wicked. “I sure did,” she says, before providing some truly weird movie choices that makes Rachel shift uncomfortably, and Kurt picks up Moulin Rouge because it’s a _good_ movie with fantastic music, and he doesn’t want to adjudicate another fight between those two. 

“Seriously.” Santana says, but she’s clearly out voted because Rachel finally has a smile on her face and Adam has already taken their cookies over to the television. Kurt settles between Adam and Rachel, leaning back against the couch cushions and curling his legs up underneath him so his knee bumps against Adam’s leg. 

”Good choice,” Adam whispers in his ear when the movie starts. “I didn’t think you were going to take my advice.”

Kurt looks up at Adam. “What?”

”You know, to watch a soulmate classic.”

”Right, I didn’t – didn’t think of it like that,” Kurt says, crossing his arms before smiling cheekily. “I love those dancing hoes!” 

Adam laughs in response, his arm coming round to rest on Kurt’s shoulders and Rachel shushes them as Christian starts his monologue. Adam shakes his head, “Yeah, that’s fun. But Kurt – this whole story is about soulmates. A connected couple who are cruelly kept apart, if you’re not sure we can find something else.”

Kurt shakes his head, and looks at the screen. “It’s okay. I love this movie.” 

”Watching soulmate movies really does help me sometimes, puts it into perspective that each connection is different. You know?”

The sound of the camera panning through the Moulin Rouge stops suddenly as Rachel pauses it, “Are we watching the movie?”

“Yes,” Kurt smiles, leaning in closer to her. “Sorry, Rach.” 

The movie continues, and Kurt watches with a sad smile. He’d introduced it to Blaine when they’d first met and it had quickly become one of their favourite movies to watch together – Blaine had always thought he was bad at romance because of his views of soulmates, but he was a romantic at heart and they’d both been swept up in the music and storyline. They’d sung together during each song, and curled up on the couch and cried together at the end. 

Adam’s right, though, he does feel a bit better about the different experience people go through. Then _Come What May_ comes on and Kurt freezes. He wraps his arms around himself, and crosses his legs and wishes he were anywhere but here because how could he have forgotten this song?

It’s a classic soulmate song but it’s also the song he and Blaine had said they’d sing to each other at their wedding (because screw society’s view of soulmates they’d found their other half without a connection at all and their love wasn’t less because of it). Kurt watches the estranged soulmates on screen sing to each other and a yearning grows inside him. He misses Blaine so much until it’s not Satine and Christian, it’s him and Blaine circling around each other on a rooftop and singing their hearts out to each other and promising forever when they don’t even have today. 

His eyes are watering, and he’s leaning against Adam – not Blaine – Adam. It feels wrong somehow to be curled so close to him and to have spent the day laughing with Adam when Blaine is still left in limbo and he doesn’t want to owe anything to Blaine, not after what happened but he cares about Blaine. Blaine used to be his best friend, and they’re soulmates, and Kurt wraps his arms across his chest tightly and exhales shakily and the whole evening feels doesn’t feel right anymore.

The music peters off and Adam stares at him from the comfortable nest of cushions they’re sitting on, “Kurt, are you crying? Are you alright?” 

Rachel reaches over and touches his arm. “Kurt?” 

He rubs his eyes, and stands up. “I’ll be back soon.” 

“Should we pause it?” Rachel asks, and Kurt shakes his head. “You’re going to miss the best parts!” 

Santana rolls her eyes and throws a piece of popcorn at the screen. “Run while you can, Kurt. I can’t believe I’m sitting through this drivel.”

“Kurt?” Adam asks again, and he’s so sweet and concerned, but Kurt shakes his head again and walks towards his bedroom. 

“It’s fine, Doctor Who. This was the song that they were going to sing at their wedding. He probably just needs to mope while staring at his wrist for a little while.” Santana says. Adam starts to move, wanting to comfort him, but Rachel stops him – staring after Kurt with wide eyes. 

Kurt wants privacy more than anything but the fire escape is snow covered and dangerous so he makes do with pulling his bedroom’s curtains particularly tight and hoping the television volume is still up loud. 

He scrolls down his contact list, just a little, until he finds Blaine’s name. He breathes out slowly. Blaine hasn’t tried to contact him since Saturday. He has to make the first move, and he has the prescription now, once they’re both on it they can talk face to face again and maybe, just maybe, things will turn out alright. Maybe they can repair their friendship, if nothing else. All he knows right now is that he misses Blaine, his best friend, and he doesn’t care if it’s the connection talking. He just wants Blaine. 

He taps the call button and slides down to sit against his bed and listens to it ring, and ring, and ring, until suddenly Blaine is there, voice breathless and shaky, “Kurt?” 

-and it’s so overwhelmingly good to hear his voice again, to know that he’s still there despite all the terrible emotions they’ve shared with each other over the past week that Kurt sniffs and suddenly he’s crying and his voice breaks when he opens his mouth, “Hi.” 

Blaine sniffs as well, and says, “Don’t cry, you’re setting me off again,” and Kurt laughs through his tears because he can _feel_ Blaine’s smile through his joy and his hope and knows that Blaine can feel him too. He knows that this is a good cry – it’s not like the last few days. 

“I miss you,” Kurt says. 

“I miss you, too,” Blaine says, and Kurt can feel the moment his emotions sour – guilty and worried feelings creeping up before he says – “Kurt, I’m – “

“Wait, Blaine,” Kurt interrupts. “Let me talk for a moment, okay?” 

“Okay,” Blaine says, barely a whisper and so nervous that Kurt wishes he could reach down the line and hug him and say that everything is going to be alright but he can’t, because he doesn’t even know that, doesn’t know what he’d be promising by saying that. He doesn’t know what forgiveness he’s capable of but he knows he wants to try. Instead he focuses on reassurance, on keeping his feelings positive and calm. 

“I want to start from the beginning again, and I don’t mean forget everything that happened before – I just – last week, before we saw each other and everything got overwhelming, all I wanted was to talk and see if we could rebuild our friendship, and I just – I think we need that.” 

Blaine’s nerves tingle at the back of Kurt’s mind, and he can feel the pressure on his soul mark and know that Blaine is squeezing tight. His voice is earnest when he speaks though, “I’d really like that, Kurt.” 

“Blaine, I really miss my best friend.” Kurt says, voice breaking slightly again and feeling so overwhelmed with love and he knows that reconnection symptoms don’t often happen over the phone but right now his body _yearns_ to be next to Blaine. 

“I do too. So what do we do?” Blaine asks, and Kurt takes a deep breath. This is a hard thing to ask and he’s still worried that it won’t work – that after everything they still won’t be able to be friends again. 

“I went to the doctor today and got a prescription. It’ll block connection symptoms so we can just start at being friends again. Would that be okay?” 

Blaine feels surprised and scared and his voice shakes slightly, “That – that sounds okay, Kurt.” 

Kurt hates feeling Blaine worried through the connection but stumbles around his words, unsure how to make this situation any better. “It – it wouldn’t be permanent, Blaine, they’re the best short term blockers and it’s rare to get negative effects. I know it’s not great but - ” 

“No, Kurt. It makes sense. We can’t just keep falling into each other’s arms every time we meet, we have to work through this, right? I don’t regret what happened that Thursday but it didn’t help anything and nothing made sense afterwards – I want to us to be right again.” 

“Me too,” Kurt smiles down the phone, closing his eyes and resting his head against his bed. “My doctor said she’d email your doctor about the recommendations, do you have an appointment made?” 

“It’s on Saturday. I’ll text you his details.” 

“- and I’ll come down for Regionals, okay? So we can talk. And we’ll start taking the medication and we can skype again and call each other and try to keep in contact.” 

Blaine sniffs, and says, “Okay, yes. That sounds perfect.” 

“Good,” Kurt says. For a moment he sits and smiles and listens to Blaine breathe down the line and feels him - happy and content for the first time since Friday afternoon. It could be minutes later that he hears Blaine speak down the line again. 

“Kurt?” 

“Mmm?” He hums in acknowledgement, still smiling against the phone. 

He feels the nerves pick up again and hears Blaine exhale heavily before he says, “I really am sorry. I want us to be friends again. I love you.” 

They’ve always been honest with each other, even when that honesty hurts and so all Kurt can reply is, “I love you, too, Blaine.” 

Kurt sits in his darkened room and holds tightly onto his phone, not wanting to let go. The only light is creeping across the hardwood floor in from under the heavy curtain, creating oversized shadows of his bedroom suite on the wall. Kurt breathes in and closes his eyes and leans his head back against the edge of his mattress and cutting this tenuous connection with Blaine seems like too much.

He loses track of time, has no idea how long they murmur to each other until, finally, finally, Blaine whispers, “Mom is calling, I – I have to go.” 

”I’ll talk to you soon,” Kurt replies – promises and feels Blaine’s assurance, his happiness, in response. The line deadens, and Kurt pulls the phone away from his numb ear and stares and for the first time really believes that it might not be terrible to be connected to his best friend.

He hears the music outside crescendo and even though it’s sacrilege to miss the end of Moulin Rouge he stays in his room and watches the snow fall outside and for the first time he revels in feeling Blaine’s emotions. Blaine is content and hopeful and Kurt closes his eyes and breathes deeply, trying to treasure those feelings for as long as possible. 

For the first time it’s comforting to know that his ex-boyfriend, his soulmate, is sitting in his room in Ohio and feeling those same emotions from him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first prequel ficlet [Make Believe](http://caedi.tumblr.com/post/60458550206/ficlet-make-believe) has been posted – Blaine pov, set quite a long time before he and Kurt meet, though! :) Also, I'm looking for a beta if anyone is interested? Thanks for reading!


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